So I Married a Murderer
by thegriffin88
Summary: Kelly was a normal girl living a normal life. Okay, having an 800 year old, snarky ghost for a conscience isn't exactly normal. Neither is having a major crush on a certain evil someone. Full summary inside. Don't be afraid of the chapters.
1. Introduction

**Summary: **Kelly was a normal girl living a normal life. Okay, having an 800 year old, snarky ghost for a conscience isn't exactly normal. Neither is having a major crush on a certain evil someone. But she just put it out of her mind as crazy thoughts that would disappear once she found a real boyfriend. She couldn't have been more wrong.

Sorry about the html, I have this posted on my DA site and I wrote it for that originally. It is a companion to Tails of Konoha, a comic I run there and a story by my sister called Kakashi's Kaze Koneko.

Okay, so, this is classified as AU (Alternate Universe). In this, in case you can't tell from further reading, I've left out the whole 'body hopping' ordeal that's in the manga. This really started out as a release from my cannon centric Living Blade Alchemist. Also, not all the characters associated with this guy will be appearing, I might change my mind though. I have a habit of doing that. Anyway, enjoy and go with the flow! :D

**Opening Song: **True to Your Heart-98 Degrees and Stevie Wonder

**End Song:** Down to Earth-Peter Gabriel

**Introduction**

"All I'm saying is that none of the one's I've met have seemed right Baldwin…"

If you had seen me then, you would have very well suspected that I was crazy and sent me down the road to the Four Winds mental institution. Heh, isn't that like every town? Always a nut house nearby. But yes, it looked like I was talking to myself as I strolled through the woods behind my house. But I wasn't talking to myself technically, I was talking to Baldwin.

Most people are born with a little voice in their head, their guardian, conscience, daemon, call it what you will but it is a little voice of reason that nudges us in one direction or the other. Well, my conscience is terribly chatty. Not only that, but he's actually a ghost from the crusades. Baldwin IV, leper king of Jerusalem and slightly cantankerous for all the years he's waited for this job. As crazy as it sounds, it's true; I have an 800 year old snaky ghost of a king for a conscience/guardian. But as annoying as he can be, Baldwin and I get along just fine. Perhaps Phillip Pullman was onto something after all…Tim Lebbon too if he can ever get himself outta the angst rut he dug in Dawn.

But back to the story:

"I wonder if I'll ever find the right guy." I sighed, flopping down on a rock.

_"Oh quit being so melodramatic. "_ Baldwin grumbled _"In my day…_"

"You're one to talk! You never married you old corpse!" I retorted.

He hates it when I comment on the 'state' of his body. As much as I love the man in my head, I can't help but tease him. I guess you could say that's how I let him know I care…no wonder I was having trouble finding a boyfriend.

We sat on that rock for a while. Baldwin saw silent for the most part, only bothering me once to point out a deer. We have enough of those in Westchester; so much so that now we don't even look out the window when they come by. You've seen one deer you've seen 'em all, including the ones all over I-95…

_"You know why you can't get a real boyfriend?"_ Baldwin asked.

"Why Dr. Phil?" I drawled.

_"Because you spend too much time fawning over those manga people!"_

"I oughta smack you for that. I can't help that they're attractive."

_"They take away from reality!!"_

"Well when I find my one true love I'll forget all about those incredibly cute manga men! How's that you old geezer?"

_"Hmpf, if you say so you geek-chick."_ Baldwin sneered.

I got up and prepared to walk back to the house when something caught my eye.

* * *

**TG:** (thegriffin) I recently heard that Dr. Phil's wife left him. Ironic much?


	2. Dare Dare Double Dare

**Dare, Dare, Double Dare**

I peeked through the heavy undergrowth and bushes.

"It's a well…" I said.

"_So freaking what?"_ Baldwin grumbled, _"We live in Westchester! There's tons of wells!"_

"Well since when do you see a nineteenth century well in this day and age?"

"_Oh, quoting Family Guy. Cute."_ Baldwin sneered.

"Stfu you old ghost. I wanna check this out." I pronounced the acronym as a word.

I went over and peered down the well. To my surprise there was water in the well. It was shining blue.

"Dude, it's blue…like cyan…" I said.

_"…I dare you to stick your hand in it."_ Baldwin said eagerly.

"What are you? Ten?"

_"Eight-hundred actually. But I could be ten if you wanted me to."_

"Thanks but I'm into older guys, remember?"

_"Pfft, suit yourself."_ /i Baldwin grumbled, i _"Oh, and I double u__dog__/u dare you to sick your hand in there."_

I shrugged and reached in but my hand couldn't quite touch the water. I probably could've said 'to Hell with this' and walked away, after all Baldwin would forget all about it once we got back and put on South Park, but I was bored that day and the water was kinda hypnotizing.

"Ugh…all my height went down into my legs." I grumbled as I leaned in farther.

_"Better than all those Hostess cupcakes."_ Baldwin laughed.

"Hey, you'd like them if you could--"

When you fall in a well in the woods alone, do you make a sound? I bet I did.


	3. Brave New World etc

**Brave New World/Never was a Part of Reality**

I woke up coughing and sputtering, I wasn't wet though.

"Ugh…what the…?" I groaned as I hoisted myself up.

I was in the middle of the woods…but they weren't my woods. These woods were…greener? They seemed greener, as if someone had painted them…only they were too real to be fake. Wait, what was I saying? Fake woods? God I must have hit my head or something. I looked around and saw that the well was gone, all there was was a small stream.

"Where am I?" I asked.

_"How the Hell should I know?"_ Baldwin grumbled.

"Rhetorical question B." I said absently.

I continued to look around, trying to figure out what had happened. I was in the woods…but the well was gone…how did I get here?

"_Perhaps the well was a sewer outlet and you've actually floated all the way down to the reservoir!" _ Baldwin suggested.

"I'm not wet and this is a stream not the reservoir." I said. "Come on, let's see if we can find a town or something."

I began to walk through the woods. They were quite generic for woods, lots of pine trees and grass for a floor. The woods I knew had dead leaves for a floor.

To tell the truth I never really was a part of the normal flow of things back home. I guess you could say my head was in the clouds but I wasn't an airhead. I supposed I just like fantasy a bit too much. You could be i_anything_/i and that was great. Most people thought I was weird for it and I had just grown accustomed to being on my own, save for a few really true friends.

"Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, but I got street savoire faire!"

_"Would you quit singing and get on with it?" _ Baldwin said grumpily, _"Perhaps you should go jumping in that stream again. See what happens."_

I sat down on a fallen log.

"I just followed one of your suggestions and look what happened." I grumbled. "Plus, I kinda like it here, it's peaceful."

The moment the words left my lips a knife embedded itself right between my legs.


	4. Caught!

**Caught**

I was running through the 'generic woods' as fast as my out of shape feet could carry me.

"Jebus Christ!!" I shouted. "What the Hell was that?!"

_"Who cares?! Just keep running or you're dead and I'm homeless!!" _Baldwin yelled.

I skidded around one of the larger trees and saw a shadowy figure blocking my path. With reflexives that surprised me I slid to the side just as he thrust what I assumed was a sharp object intended to injure me.

"Crap in a hat." I muttered as I rolled away.

_"Damn, you're good for someone who plays video games 24/7." _Baldwin whistled.

"Not now B. Tryin' not to die."

The figure came at me again and I dodged a punch. What was up with my body? I was never this quick. I kept dodging punch after punch and at last saw an opening. I made a little feint and got around behind the guy. I lashed out and hit his shin. He stumbled a bit and that was about the extent of it as I soon found myself pinned against the tree. I squeezed my eyes shut, fearing the end when I heard Baldwin laughing hysterically.

_"Snrk…Kelly…K-Kelly you have to open your eyes dear…" _He said before falling into little fits of mirth.

I cracked my eyes open and gasped before I too succumbed to laughter.

"Oh holy Hell on earth I cannot believe my eyes!!"

The man stepped back and pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

"What are you laughing about?" He snapped.

I managed to pull myself together long enough to speak.

"I-It's…It's you…I can't believe it! It's Kabuto!!" I doubled up and howled with laughter.


	5. First encountersNo freaking way!

**First Encounters/No Freaking Way!**

"Do I know you?" Kabuto said.

"You don't know me, you just wish you did." I laughed.

Baldwin and I were in tears by this point. I knew what had happened, even though it was impossible. It was like the well in Inuyasha, or Being John Malkovitch or Narnia; watching a lot of sci-fi helps too. The well was a portal, a portal to the world of Naruto. I know you're probably like 'WTF?' right now, well think about poor little me; I'm the one who fell in the damn thing! Ahem, as I was saying; I was on the forest floor with Baldwin in my head, laughing hysterically. At last I was able to stand up.

"Hoo…okay…yeah you don't know me. But I sure as Hell know you, and so does 95 of the population where I come from." I said.

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Where _do_ you come from?" he asked.

"Earth. And no, not the Land of Earth. The planet earth…" Yeah, I was getting that 'WTF?' stare, "Ugh, listen, I'm from another universe. There are tons of other universes and endless amounts of alternative timelines. Were I come from…let's just say your world's famous. This guy, Kishimoto, he's been writing about it for a few years now, it's quite the sensation."

"He's been _writing _about us?"

"Yeah…I didn't want to blow your mind but…this isn't supposed to be real."

He shrugged his shoulders and held his hands out in a 'well then what the Hell do you call this?' gesture.

"Yeah I know…it's all very complicated to explain but easy to grasp if you just open your mind… let me try and explain as easily as possible," I began pacing, "you see, there are many different alternate universes; different worlds I suppose. I don't wanna get into a Kingdom Hearts thing here…"

"Pardon?" Kabuto said.

"Uh…never you mind. As I was saying, I somehow managed to get from my world to yours. I suppose when Kishimoto first thought of this world it was created instantly. Whatever he writes or draws happens here. The only thing I can't figure out is how the Hell a well in Westchester is a portal…"

Suddenly, a flock of birds scattered. Kabuto craned his neck upwards.

"Come with me now." He said.

"Please?" I grumbled as I followed.

_"Now what?"_ Baldwin asked.

I thought for a moment and then my heart leapt.

"No freaking way! You're taking me to the complex!!" I jumped up and down in true fangirl fashion.

"You know about us?!" Kabuto hissed, pressing the knife dangerously close to my neck.

"Easy there buddy, remember what I said about your world being public access where I come from? As it stands I like you guys, a lot, most people do. We think you're cool!" I gave a big smile and he lowered the knife.

"I'll deal with you later. Until then you are to follow me without a word."

I made the 'zipped-lips' motion and trotted along behind him. My heart thudding in my chest, I knew who was at the complex, and I desperately wanted to see him.


	6. Voices in my headHidden from the World

**Voices in my Head/Hidden from the World**

_"We're off to see…omgthemostawesomeninjaevar!!"_

I was mentally being a fangirl, and Baldwin was hating it.

_"Please…"_He groaned _ "Can't…take…it…need…evil thoughts!!"_ he made a fake gasp/dying noise.

"Oh hush you." I said, out loud this time.

"What did I say?!" Kabuto snapped.

"It wasn't my fault! It was Baldwin's!" I said, pointing at my head.

And he gave me the exact same 'wtf?' everyone gives me when I tell them about the ghost in my head.

"He's my conscience slash guardian angel slash annoyance…I'm not crazy! I have a ghost in my head! Okay, granted that does sound a little messed up but hear me out! He's eight hundred years old and a pain in the ass, really, but there's nothing I can do about it."

"…Done?" Kabuto asked when I finished my rant.

"Yeah, boy that felt good!" I smiled.

We continued on for a few more minutes and I continued to be a mental fangirl over the prospect of meeting my favorite character of all time, much to my conscience's displeasure. At last we came to the complex. I recognized right away, the Eastern roof and the stairs sloping down into the earth. I could hardly contain myself and it took a lot of will power to not go running ahead of the young medic. We descended the stairs and I finally got a good look at the place. Long walls of stone, presumably to carry sound throughout the place, and torches to light the way. Did they have electricity? I was sure but I suppose that when you're hidden from the world like this you can't run ground wire from the nearest town…but then there was the lab I remembered…

I was about to ask Kabuto when a terrible cry of pain made me wince…and smile oh so sweetly.

"Oh great gods above, book 17." I said, trying not to drool with anticipation.


	7. His placeIs it really you?

**His Place/Is it Really You?**

I couldn't stand it any longer, I bolted. Luckily for me, I didn't get very far. Despite his slim build Kabuto was as strong as he was quick and before I had taken two steps he had my by the scruff of my shirt.

"Leggo!" I shouted. Then I realized my mistake. "On second thought, you might want to hang on to that. I really would like to live to see the end of the Bush presidency." I laughed.

"Stay here and don't move." He instructed.

I nodded and he let go of me before disappearing down the hall.

_"Hey Baldwin, remember when I said I'd stay put?"_ I thought.

_ "What of it?"_ Baldwin sighed.

_"I lied!"_

I sounded far too happy for my own good. I tip toed down the hall in a fashion that even I, Kelly of the clay feet, couldn't understand.

_"Be careful!! You'll be killed!!"_ Baldwin whimpered.

_"Hush you."_ I replied.

I kept moving until I could hear voices.

"We are still searching my lord." Kabuto was saying.

"I don't want to wait! ...Give me… something…" another voice growled.

I almost swooned. Me, the veritable rock of steadfastness, swooning! But hey, if you were suddenly within feet (or meters if you're European) of your ultimate fangirl crush you'd swoon too.

"It's him…it's really him!!" I whispered. "It's Orochimaru!!"

"Kabuto…" he growled. "Who have you brought into our home?"

I paled. Really I did. This was book 17 and he was a little on the grumpy side. I was all set to bolt when Kabuto appeared, grabbed my shirt and yanked me into the nearby room.


	8. Nani Fate

**Nani?/Fate**

I was frozen in place. I had just been yanked into the same room as a very grumpy man who, even in his crippled state, could kill me without a second thought.

_ "Do something Baldwin!!"_ I cried mentally.

"Kabuto…why is this girl with you?"

"I found her in the woods my lord." Kabuto replied.

I felt like a scared cat, like if I had fur it would be all on end.

_"Cm'on Baldwin! Help me out here! Are you my guardian angel or just a squatter?!" _I thought.

_"Kelly, remember how you're always saying you're part empath?"_

For those of you who don't know, an empath is a healing psychic. I'm not saying I could heal; I'm just more sensitive to other's pain, in that I physically feel it.

_ "Yeah but…you don't think…"_

_"It's worth a try."_ Baldwin said.

I sighed. The bum was right for once, it was worth a try.

"Listen…sir…ah Hell, Lord Orochimaru, I'm a healer."

He and Kabuto looked at me, stunned.

"My lord I didn't know…" Kabuto started to say but Orochimaru silenced him with a just a sideways glance.

_ "Well of course,"_ I thought, _"He his arms are still very weak. He won't regain even minimal movement until book 18 and by book 21 he was…"_

_"You really are a geek aren't you?"_ Baldwin said.

Guilty as charged.

"I didn't tell him because I didn't remember until now." Ignoring the skepticism etched oh so clearly on his face I continued, "I'm not from this world, I'm from a world called Earth where we believe this place to be fictional. But I guess we were wrong or something. As it stands, I like you and I think I can help you…so please don't kill me!" I pleaded.

Again I was getting the 'wtf' look, but this time it was more…diluted. Well, what can one expect from the great and now very much in pain Orochimaru. I was dying to get my hands on his deliciously sexy and feverish body.

_ "Your obsession is scaring me again Kelly."_ Baldwin drawled.

I…kinda have a thing for cute guys with a fever…don't know why…but boy howdy does it turn me on. I found myself once again resisting the urge to leap. Suddenly, he spoke.

"Come here." He said, his voice was like silk…wet, slippery silk…wait, are we still talking about silk?

I cautiously approached the bed, remembering my favorite, and oh so gory scene from book 17. I saw him raise a shaking, bandaged hand to touch my forehead. There was a flash of light and I was in a dark space, with a spotlight on me.

"Wow, I know I say I'm empty headed sometimes but…damn!" I said.

Then I heard the sounds of footsteps. From out of the shadows, like a true ninja, Orochimaru emerged.

"Heya," I said with a nervous wave, "nice place, please tell me this isn't my mind I know I had a few things in here."

"You say you can heal me." He said.

_ "All business isn't it."_ I thought.

But to my utter horror those very words echoed in the space we were in.

"…well fuck." I said after a bit.

He merely cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, okay, healing…listen I'm only part empath in my homeworld, which is Earth where things like jutsus and magic don't exist. But a little guy inside my head…who seems to be missing now…says that perhaps because these things exist here my powers can come to fruition. I might be able to heal you." I stressed the word 'might'.

To my surprise I nodded.

"I thought as much, I had a look around here before I decided to ask you in person."

_"Oh that's nice, walk in like you own the damn place."_ the ceiling said.

I blushed…

Luckily, the deadly man standing before me seemed to be unfazed.

"You are a very interesting person, perhaps fate brought you to me. You might be able to heal me, and I might let you."

"Wait, might?"

But I never got an answer because I woke up in a strange room.


	9. Take a Chance on me Bad BoyGirl

**Take a Chance on me/Bad Boy/Girl**

_ "Hokay…I'm not dead…yet…so that's a good sign…" _I thought, _"'Ey Baldwin! You there!"_

_"Yes, I'm fine. We're in a room not far from the man who recently invaded your mind."_ Baldwin yawned.

"That's good." I said, "I trust you remember how to get back to him."

_"Yes I…wait, you don't want to get back home?!"_ Baldwin gasped.

"You got that right." I smirked.

Honestly, this was the opportunity of a lifetime! I could finally be there for my much loved ninja during my favorite time period, the post-third murder timeline…mmm, smexy pain…

_ "You're drooling again."_ Baldwin noted.

I wiped my mouth with a smirk and followed my conscience's directions to where I would find Kabuto. Unsurprisingly, I was taken straight to the lab section. As I had earlier hypothesized, they did have a source of electricity...something that had always bothered me, they had all this, and not one damn method for travel outside of walking or that little 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-leaping through the trees' thingy which I'd be damned if I could mimic even here. But I ramble.

"Yo!" I said with a casual wave.

The little silver haired med-ninja turned to look at me.

"How did you find me?" He asked.

"I might sleep but Baldwin sure as Hell doesn't." I said, indicating my noggin and the little ghost inside of it, hopefully they would begin to understand that I wasn't just crazy…well not like that anyway. "So listen, I'd like to talk to your boss again, about healing him and whatnot."

"He's resting. Lord Orochimaru is in a lot of pain right now." Kabuto said bluntly.

_ "Duh. That's why I'm offering to heal him."_

"Hence the reason I want to help him. The only reason Griffin is Leaf is because I created her before I met your boss."

"Griffin?" Kabuto asked.

"Yeah, Shinobi-"

"I know the creature of who you speak, Konoha's 'Yellow Leaf' she's been called. She's a downright nuisance."

"Yeah she…wait a tick, you know Griffin?!" I gasped.

"Yes, did you say you _created_ her?"

"Y-yeah, on Earth, she's a fan character, a character that supposedly exists in a story but not really. Griffin is my alter-ego, she lives in this world but not really because I don't own the story…there are tons like her only not all of them are animals, most of them are people but there are a few dogs and such."

"So…you created the little creature that constantly is bothering us and stealing our clothes?"

"She really does that?! Sweet." I nodded.

Kabuto sighed.

"Sorry about that, but there's a huge market for cute-guy undies. Now, back to your boss and my healing abilities…"

"Yes…in light of this new information I suppose you may meet with him at least to tell him yourself. You're not dead so he must have some interest in you. Follow me." Kabuto replied.

My heart was skipping as I followed Kabuto down the hall.

_"I can't wait!!"_ I thought happily.

My happy thoughts were interrupted by a low growl of pain. Kabuto slid open the door to his master's bedroom and beckoned me to enter. I stared at the door, suddenly remembering the culture shock my sister and I had gotten while watching this.

_My sister and I sat on the couch watching Naruto anime on Cartoon Network._

_"My character would totally be egging him on right now!" Kyra said._

_She was talking about her cat-girl fan character Kyra Koneko. _

_"But how's that going to work?" I asked as we watched Naruto slide an eraser into the door to prank Kakashi._

_Then the door slid open._

_"Oh." We both said. _

Baldwin cleared his non-existent throat and jolted me out of my reminiscence. I looked up and Orochimaru was sitting up in his bed, I could clearly see that his wounds were paining him.

"You are the one who created the menace known as 'Shinobi Griffin'?" he growled.

Okay, he was mad, not surprising as he had lost a good deal of clothing due to her antics…actually, so did most other people. I seriously considered telling him this.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I can call her off if you want me to; I'm her creator so I can do anything…to her that is. I can tell her to leave you guys alone and just go steal Itachi's underwear of Kakashi's…even Neji's but I'm not sure she'll touch them. She kinda has a hate for him…or a love…she throws acorns at him when he trains and I'm rambling."

Orochimaru looked like he wanted to agree with me.

"Right, sorry about that. Anyway, I can call her off but," I winked, "You gotta let me heal you!"

He cocked a beautifully sculpted eyebrow at me…oh gods, I was thinking about how hot he was at a critical moment!

"You _want_ to heal me?" he asked.

"Yup! I really like you. So do a whole lot of people but I'm actually useful! And I happen to have a way to get to you which is more than any of them can say. I want to go over to the dark side!" that little remark received a blank stare. "Right…you wouldn't get it. Listen; just give me your trust."

_ "And your soul!!"_ Baldwin cackled.

He was silent for a while, but at long last, he nodded.

* * *

Griffin is my fan character. You can find her on my DA site which is in my profile. And yes, she is an underwear thief. In my other story, The Living Blade Alchemist, Cali mentions that they are sisters and quotes the same behavior.


	10. Do You Trust MeHBP

**Do You Trust Me?/HBP**

Booooring. Boredboredboredboredboredboredbored etc…

It's boring waiting for 'Mr. Four-eyes' to finish his 'research' so that he could escort me to the love of my life.

_ "Love of your life? You're quick aren't you?"_ Baldwin said.

_ "Stfu you old ghost."_ I mentally drawled.

For about the fifth time the morning, Kabuto adjusted his glasses so that they sat back on the bridge of his nose.

"Hey Kabuto? You ever think about investing in a glasses strap?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You keep pushing them back onto your face. Why not just get a strap and keep 'em there?"

It's a valid point. Like why didn't Harry Potter call child services and tell them he was living in a broom closet? He huffed and stood up.

"Fine then, I might as well get you out of my hair."

"_Your prematurely graying hair!"_ Baldwin stated.

I fought not to laugh as I was once again led down the hall. I heard the all too familiar (and all too delicious) groans of pain as we neared Orochimaru's room.

"My lord?" Kabuto called as he cautiously slid open the door.

I low growl was the answer he received but he beckoned me to follow nonetheless. I had my best poker face on and if I hadn't, I would be grinning like a Cheshire cat right now.

He was sitting up in bed and from what I could see, he wasn't any better. A fine sweat had broken out over his body and his clothes were probably damp with it. From the unnaturally glassy look in his golden eyes I could tell he had a high fever and he was breathing really hard. Yup, for me this was the peak of hotness. Go figure.

So, short of telling him just how sexually appealing he was to me right now I 'set to work'.

_ "I'm gonna need your help Baldwin, I've never done this before."_

_"Just touch him. You will know what to do then."_

_"…this is shogun, not a cheap American fantasy novel."_

_"Trust me dammit!"_

I huffed and walked over, all the time wary of how he could kill me.

"…Er…" I said, looking him over.

"What?" He snapped.

Jebus, talk about high blood pressure, me and him.

"I'm…listen buddy; you need to let me take the robe thingy off."

I could feel Baldwin slap himself in the face.


	11. Mother HenPants Off

**Mother Hen/Pants Off**

"Excuse me??" Was the venomous reply.

I took a few steps back.

_ "Well for starters Ms. Big Mouth, it's not a robe it's a kimono part…I forget which one so don't ask."_

_"He's in his p.j.'s?"_ I mentally drooled.

_ "No."_ Baldwin snapped. _"Just watch what you say, as much as you are bombarded by impulses."_

I took a deep breath and nodded.

"I need to touch you in order for my powers to work. It's easier if your sleeves don't get in the way or anything…" I was sweating bullets.

I waited for the death blow to come but he nodded. He seemed tired all of a sudden. He was probably desperate for the pain to end, poor guy.

_ "Good! Keep thinking along that line!"_ Baldwin cheered.

I nodded and knelt down, carefully slipping the…I'm gonna say robe, from his shoulders. My heart was racing, I was sure I was going to faint or die. At least I would die happy. But instead I found myself laying my hands on his bandaged arms and concentrating on the pain, feeling the empathy flow and the energy that came with it. But this time, instead of the normal spastic energy I got on earth that powered most of my writing, I got a much more…organized energy. Like gas and solid molecules. Gas molecules are all out of order but solid molecules are lined up. This energy was like a solid. After a bit of fiddling I managed to get the energy to do what I wanted it to, sort of wrap around the damaged area. Seeing as it was best to leave it like that I stood up.

"That should work…but I'll probably need to do that again. This isn't like medical jutsu, it involves a lot of forces we don't understand. More or less, you'd want to combine it with normal healing methods. I do know quite a bit about medicinal herbs."

I do, I use things like herbal healing in my novel. And to my surprise, he seemed to agree with me.

"You have done something effective girl."

I twitched, nobody calls Kelly 'girl'.

"Kabuto, she can be moved to the room adjacent here so she can be on call."

I grinned like a Cheshire cat this time around. This was so cool! My dreams, well, my fantasies were coming true! But I had to watch myself; I could just as easily become a prisoner. So I decided that I would have to get back to the well.

"That sounds just wonderful, but one thing, I need to see if I can get back to my home to get some stuff and tie up a few loose ends. My folks have to know where I'm going to be for gods know how long."

He looked reluctant at first, but at last he decided that I could go, on one condition.


	12. CautionI'll be back

**Caution/ I'll Be Back**

The one condition was that Kabuto would follow me to my world. Well…that wasn't so bad, as long as he didn't follow me to the house…

"Well, this is the stream." I said.

The stream was flowing just as it had been last time I was here.

_"Soooo…how do we do this?"_ Baldwin asked.

I shrugged.

"I have no idea. But this can't hurt."

And with that I took a swan dive into the rushing water.

When I woke up, I found myself on the ground in the woods, Kabuto standing over me.

"Did we make it?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I believe so, I don't recognize this forest or this well."

"_Sweet! The well!"_ I thought.

"All right!!" I said happily before turning to the young ninja beside me. "Okay, now first off this place is…different. There are strange noises and the air isn't exactly clean but it's not city air. This is the country so it shouldn't be too bad. What I'm trying to say is: Don't follow me to my house."

"Why not?" He asked.

I had anticipated this.

"Well, first off my big dog will eat your face and the little dog will eat your ankles. Either the gardener or the maid will be here so people other than me and my sis are a no go. Just wait here and stay out of sight. I'll be back in a heartbeat." I snapped my fingers.

He looked around thoughtfully.

"You have an hour."

"Don't even need it." I winked.

I ran into the house, getting in through the basement window and got a few essentials, like my i-pod and its charger as well as my guide to medicine and plants. Then, with goodbye's to the kitties, I was off. That's when Baldwin spoke up.

_ "Kelly…try the back door."_

"Why?"

_ "Just try it for me."_

I tried the back door and to my surprise, it was open. This was big because, I had left it that way when I had gone for a walk. But I was in the well for several hours. Someone must have come home and locked the door, thinking I was still out and would ring when I came back.

"You don't think…"

_ "It seems rather convenient but logical if you think like you normally do."_ Baldwin stated.

"So…it's like…Narnia! Omgsweet!" I said excitedly jumping up and down.

This was so cool, no matter how long I was in the well; time didn't seem to pass here on Earth. This was the coolest.

* * *

Sorry about the filler, I cannot stand loopholes. Also, my DA site in my profile has a new comic up for this story. It's under the file called: Tails of Konoha and although it centers around my character Griffin and her pals I deviated a little to tell a fluffy story. But not the fluff you're used to. ;)


	13. Agony of defeatBlood

**Agony of Defeat/Blood**

It's painful when you get your ass kicked at your own game. Trust me, any video game player knows it. But with this guy, the pain was physical. Sure his pride must have been hurting, but I'm sure the pain shooting up his arms at an almost constant rate kept most of his attention which brings me to my next point: blood.

I had been set up in the room next to him so that I could be on call. I didn't mind the prospect of waking up at night to tend to him; actually, every little sadistic fiber in my body relished it. But nothing could prepare me for what I was to encounter.

I awoke late in the night, or early in the morning if you choose to view it that way, to someone shaking me. I'm a heavy sleeper, cat fights don't wake me up. In fact, the only thing that really does short of what Kabuto was doing to me now is the garbage truck going by. Damn that garbage truck, ruining my weekend sleep with his damn little beepers and clanging about. raises fist in air Anyway, back to Mr. I-thought-you-were-hot-but-then-I-met-your-boss shaking me awake.

"Go to Hell…" I mumbled.

I never like anyone waking me up. At least I'm not like Queen Latifa in "Bringing Down the House". (Bamf!)

"Get up!" He hissed, "Something's seriously wrong."

I yawned and sat up.

"Whazat?" I said sleepily.

"Come with me now. It's bad." Kabuto said, grabbing my by the arm.

I gave him a swift kick to the shins and got him to let go.

"Don't touch me loser." I growled.

My personal 'filter' tends to shut itself off at night and takes a moment to boot up when I'm awake. It was currently 'reticulating splines'. So I followed him down the hall, he was limping a bit much to my satisfaction and I would have smiled if I had not heard the coughing. That's right, coughing. Kabuto slid open the door and I gasped.

Orochimaru was doubled over in his bed, coughing violently. Without thinking, because my empathy shuts off that sector of my brain, I ran to his side. Kabuto turned on the lights and I gasped again. There was blood on the sheets, lots of blood. He gave a few more wet, harsh coughs and more blood spattered onto the bedspread. I managed to snake my arm around his shoulder, he was shaking.

_ "Baldwin…"_ I said nervously, _"Baldwin he's not supposed to be coughing blood!"_

* * *

It's time to play: Guess how many pop culture references I made here!

If you don't get the 'reticulated splines' one you phail at life.


	14. CursedHeal

**Cursed/Heal**

It was morning, my patient was asleep at last and I was still trying to find an explanation for the coughing attack. One thing that amazed me about the complex was that it had a kitchen. I know that when you think about it you're like 'well duh they have a kitchen' but when nobody mentions it and you find out it's there…it's kinda cool. You'd have to be there I suppose. I was currently slumped over the table having a little one-to-one with Baldwin.

"Forget the blood, he's not supposed to be coughing period." I argued.

_"I'm not denying that, it never happened in the manga but…"_

"But what?"

_"But, it might be that by adding your presence to the scene…you've somehow altered the timeline and created a spinoff."_

"Spinoff? Like Stargate Atlantis?"

_ "No…well yes, kinda. An alternate universe. By adding yourself to the scene you've created an alternate timeline, perhaps one that bends to your sadistic will."_

"Like in the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya?"

_"If you like."_

"Hey, you thought it was 'soooo cute' when they kissed, so don't argue."

He was probably right though, by adding myself to this world I had probably created a split in the timeline, one with me and one without me. This split must have occurred the minute I fell in the well. Stargate covers this constantly, watch enough and get to be quite the expert. But also, like in the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, this world must bend slightly to me. Hopefully slightly, I figured that at least if I willed it he would just be more ill than he would have been in the manga…but that was a long shot, I'm not much of a leader, even on World of Warcraft I always have other's lead a group I put together…just one of the many fails in my life. Now, back to what we were talking about.

"What about Tsunade?"

_"They tried that in the manga, remember what happened? If anything he'll get himself killed and then you'll be all depressed like you were when Daniel Jackson died."_

"Yeah but then he came back and I danced my happy dance."

_"…I remember…unfortunately."_

"I can make sure he doesn't get himself killed. He's been coughing all night, he's hardly fit enough to fight let alone do any real damage. Plus, I would like to see that town's castle…"

"What town?"

Kabuto had entered.

"What's up Doc?"

He gave me a blank stare, I just laughed.

"Ah ha, that little bit of humor is soooo lost on you. As it stands I think Baldwin and I know a way to get your boss to stop coughing his lungs up. His old…aquantiance…"

"If you mean Tsunade we are already-"

"I know where she is…damn, I mean I did…zanpaktu…tezuka…Tanzaku! That's it, Tanzaku." I said snapping my fingers and grinning.

"Are you serious?"

"As certain as the day is long!" I said happily.

Kabuto placed a hand under his chin, thinking.

"That's only a day's walk from here."

"Do we really have to walk? Whatever happened to horses?" I groaned.

"Go and tell him you know where Tsunade is."

I was beginning to think that I'd never get an answer to that question.

I found him still asleep. Taking my chance, I managed to get close enough to listen to his breathing, it was raspy and uneven. Immediately the first few pages of Fullmetal Alchemist book 15 flashed to mind, as well as the tragic story of Ukitake Jushiro from Bleach. I'm well read for my generation. I decided to break out my little 'hippie box' as my sister dubbed it. Actually it was just where I kept my medicinal herbs and no, that didn't include weed so stop asking me. I pulled out some Pulmonaria, also known as lungwort, and some lemon thyme. The Lungwort has been used to treat coughs such as TB and other infectious diseases alongside modern medicine, the lemon thyme was for flavoring. This isn't some new age crap, it has been proven. After all, what do you think the people in the middle ages or even ancient Egypt or feudal Japan used instead of Tylenol or penicillin? (white oak and moldy old bread as a matter of fact.)

Back in the kitchen I boiled some water and let the ingrediants seep. Hopefully he'd be cooperative enough to at least try it. I'm not saying this is for everyone, after all you never know if you're gonna be allergic to some of this stuff an foxglove can kill you in large doses. The stuff I was using as all safe, and lemon thyme is really tasty, trust me, I've actually eaten it. I poured a cup of the steaming liquid and sauntered on back to his room. He was still lying down, but I could tell by the way he was breathing that he was awake.

"Hey…I uh, brought something that will help your cough."

He sat up and looked at me, his eyes were still that sickly yellow instead of the brilliant gold they should have been and dark shadows had formed around them. He coughed dryly and his whole ribcage seemed to heave with the force. I held up the cup of tea.

"Here, it's good."

To my surprise I encountered no resistance from him. I guess I really was in an alternate universe. Well, at least it lowered my chances of dying.

"So," I said as I watched him take a tentative drink of my concoction, "I know who can heal you, or probably partly if we ask her nicely."

"Tsunade."

That single reply almost made me wince. He sounded so tired, and the rasping in his breath was made worse by this utterance.

"Yeah, I know where she is, Tanzaku. She's gonna be gambling there but we have to watch out because by the time we get there Jiraya and this little annoyance Naruto will be there as well. That's because Itachi's been to Konoha and he's already taken out his brother and Kakashi and they want her to help with that."

I recived an almost startled stare from him.

"You have been in this world for nearly two days now, how can you know so much?"

I grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"I told you, your world can be bought at your local Borders or Barnes and Noble for 9.99! This is old school for us fans."

His expression softened as he finally came to accept that I was telling the truth. He sighed and I was glad to hear that his breathing had eased a bit.

"Fine, we shall leave tomorrow."

* * *

The internet spoils a lot for me, and if you keep reading it will too...

Like for instance I know that Itachi's gonna turn into Ray Charles minus the piano and I'm only at book 28 because book 29 isn't out yet. I don't watch the anime because of Scott: /comics/?stripid145 And while they are a bit farther along the rest of you are pirates. Yar-har n' such and word to your bootleg...yeah...


	15. Once we were FriendsHer Name is

**Once We Were Friends/Her Name Is…**

_"I just thought of something Baldwin, where the Hell are we going to stay while we look for Tsunade?"_

_"This world bends to you, no? Think it and it shall be."_

_"You're being rather cryptic today."_

_"Imagine an inn or something and it'll probably appear."_ Baldwin huffed.

"Fine, when we near the town." I whispered.

That was a few hours ago, now I was finally alone with my patient. Believe it or not, we had actually found an inn with seemingly no prior knowledge or qualms about the man they were about to admit, nice. I nearly had to shoo Kabuto away to get him on the trail of Tsunade. So now I was alone with my patient and the love of my life…unfortunately he had drifted off to sleep, again, the walk he said had worn him out. He didn't use those words, mind you, his pride wouldn't allow it, but I could tell it was what he meant. I spend a lot of my free time playing puzzle games or writing, cryptic words are my thing. So, being bored and slightly ADD, I decided to turn on my i-pod. After a bit of Queen and various anime themes I settled on a little guilty pleasure: Journey. I can't help myself; I start lip-syncing and 'dancing'.

_Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere  
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit  
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

_A singer in a smoky room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding, somewhere in the night_

I turned around and found him staring at me. I turned white as a sheet and dropped the i-pod, effectively yanking the earphones out of my head. Ouch.

"Err…"

Oh gods I felt like Huge Grant in Love Actually.

"So…how much of that did you see?" I asked, I was sweating bullets.

"Enough." Was the curt reply as he turned away.

_"Grouch."_ I pouted.

"How do you intend to persuade Tsunade, provided she doesn't kill me the moment she enters this room?"

I startled, usually I had to initiate a conversation between us.

"It's a girl thing, you wouldn't understand."

"You intend to promise her a non-aggression treaty between leaf and sound."

Again I gaped.

"Oh you can read me like a book! And that's saying something because I'm usually the one reading you uas/u a book. Well, yes actually I do intend to promise something like that. But only because she's more likely to take us up on this offer than the one you posed in the manga. Plus we-er-I'm only asking her to make you stop coughing blood and give me a few healing pointers."

Silence. Then I noticed that he was experimentally moving his fingers.

"Those feel any better?" I asked.

It was a while before he nodded.

"Somewhat, although it is not any medical jutsu I have seen."

"That's cause it's not." I explained, "It's empathic energy. I should show you Green Mile, then you'd get it. It's energy from the earth and cosmos. I channel this energy and use it to dispel ill effects such as the curse on your arms. Some of the more powerful empaths can even cure cancer but I don't know of any living empaths who can do that."

He nodded again and more silence rained down on us. I sighed and traced the dragon design on my pants.

"Were you guys ever friendly?" I asked.

He turned and looked at me.

"Pardon?"

"You, Tsunade and Jiraya; were you guys ever friendly. I only ask because the fandom seems to think that you were until you…well…ran off to join the antagonists. But they also seem to think that you guys mirror the team the manga centers around and I agree. So I'm asking, did you ever operate as a team of friends or did you always have your own ambitions? And by you I mean you-you, the 'dark horse' of the group."

He was about to answer when a shout floated through the open window.

"OLD MAN I AM TOTALLY GONNA KICK YOUR NINJA ASS!!"

"No way." I said.

"What?"

"I know that voice!" I laughed and ran to the window. "Griffin!" I called, "Yo Griff! SG! Up here feather-brain!"

In a flurry of feathers my creation, the culmination of all that I would be had my shyness not hindered me on earth, Shinobi Griffin, flew up to our window and perched there.

"Kelly? Master what the Hell are you doing here?!"

"Err…" Damn, I had programmed her to hate the very guy I was with. If she saw us together…well she'd probably steal his pants and beat me with them.

"Uh, long story Griff, so much so that I'm just going to write it into your memory now."

That's one of the perks of being a creator.

"Oooh, chilly knowledge and…wait a minute…oh HELL NO!"

Griffin pushed me aside and clambered on in the room. Her beak slacked and she fell back on her butt.

"OH HELL NO! Master what the freak?! I knew you were crazy but…him?! I really expected better of you!"

I grabbed her by her ears before she could cause Orochimaru any permanent damage, mental or physical.

"Sit yer furry ass down for just a second!"

Griffin did as she was told and plopped her butt down on the hardwood floor.

"Orochimaru, this is Griffin, you two have met under… adverse circumstances. Now Griffin," I yanked her ears and pulled her up to my face, "You're gonna leave this guy alone, 'kay? Steal Itachi's undies from now on, or any of the other cute guys in town. But leave them alone." Then in a smaller voice I added, "I like him, I'm healing him and you can't do jack about it."

Griffin grumbled but was resigned to my decision.

"Now," I continued, "just who were you yelling at?"

"This fat guy with a toad." She said.

Orochimaru gave a slight chuckle (naturally followed by a small cough)

"Jiraya is here as well." He mused.

"Yeah, pervy toad guy. He's here with this annoying fox kid."

"Naruto." I supplied.

"Yup, that's his name. Not that I care. I don't even know why they assigned me to…anything at all. I never really did get to know the 'consul' for Konoha." She sighed.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"You better get back to pervy toad guy. I've got business." I said, shoving the over-grown cat-bird bird out the window.

Just as she landed with a thud on the second tier roof below the door opened.

* * *

I know none of you know who Griffin is so I direct you here: thegriffin88./art/Shinobi-Griffin-Char-Sheet-80742014 Go, 'cause if you don't you won't get most of this.

Also, the more reviews I get the better and more often I write.


	16. Doctor's OfficeMysterious Stranger

**Doctor's Office/Mysterious Stranger**

"Let me guess, you want me to heal his arms." Tsunade said as she entered the room.

I looked up and cocked my eyebrows, her boobs weren't that big, mean, they weren't your average endowment but still, the fandom had really gone wild with this one.

_"I can't help but feel slightly disappointed…"_ Baldwin said.

Orochimaru stole a haggard, sidelong glance at his former colleague.

"That's not it actually, you see…" I started to explain but my words were cut off by a distressing sound.

I could hear his chest rattling. Suddenly,

_GEHOFF!!_

Blood splashed onto the bedspread. I quickly grabbed a handkerchief I had brought with me and held it to his mouth as more of the bloody coughs wracked his frame. Blood dripped down the ends of the cloth and onto more of the bed below. I noticed though, that despite the copious amounts of blood, Tsunade was rock solid.

"Don't you have hemophobia?" I asked as I rubbed my love's trembling back.

"I got over my fear of blood long ago." The 'Queen of slugs and elixirs' huffed.

Her tone was distressing; she seemed quite inclined to let Orochimaru drown like this. Well…I really hadn't expected her to say 'sure thing buddy! :D' but still, it was disconcerting.

"But Dan…" I said.

"How much do you know about him? Orochimaru how much have you told this girl?!" Tsunade snapped.

He would have answered had another round of bloody coughing not wracked his system. More blood spattered the blanked. That was the last of it, for now. A few small, grating coughs later I was easing him back onto the bedspread.

"He hasn't told me anything. As it is any speech brings up more blood and he's anemic as it is."

_"See? The fandom was right."_ Baldwin said.

"I'm not from this world and the place where I'm from has extensive knowledge of yours. Please, you have to help him."

I looked up at her with the most innocent, pleading face I could muster but I also tried to throw in a bit of determined spark. Tsunade drummed her fingers against her crossed arms before beckoning me outside. She shut the door behind us and looked down at me.

"You love him, don't you?" she said suddenly.

"Yes." I replied.

Well, no use lying, I love the man, heart and soul even if they are black. An online quiz once said my color was black.

Tsunade nodded.

"I could see it in your eyes. But that doesn't mean I'm going to help him."

"Then tell me how. I've been healing him the best I can but this…his lungs…" I shook my head, "my powers can only do so much. If you could teach me how to-"

"It would take too long."

I sighed sadly. I was going to have to try harder.

"Listen, I'm madly in love with the man, I've dreamt about him. I can't bear to lose him but I also like some of the people of the Leaf village. I'm really not about to let him take over Griffin's playground." Ignoring the 'wtf' look I continued, "if you heal him, I will keep him away from the village. You have my promise."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"I really don't think you can keep such a promise."

"But I can," I exasperated, "I will make him see that love conquers all…wow, cliché much? But listen, you can hold me to this. Cross my heart hope to die can't repeat the last part because it freaks me out etcetera, etcetera, you get the picture. So, what do you say?"

Tsunade stared at me for a very long time.

"Let's go back inside." She said, beckoning me to follow.

* * *

My memory is really bad. Want to remind me that I'm writing this? Review me! :D


	17. No Time for RegretsWar on Crime

**No Time for Regret/The War on Crime**

Back in the room at the inn, I could tell we probably shouldn't have left him alone. He was lying in the bloodied sheets, breathing heavily as sweat cascaded down his face, he groaned a bit as another painful spasm coursed up his arms. I immediately sat next to him and grabbed the cold washcloth I had been using before. He growled as I lay it on his forehead but said nothing, his throat was probably really hurting him.

"This girl and I have made a deal." Tsunade began.

"I will not touch the Leaf Village." Okay, maybe his throat was fine. "Will you heal my lungs?"

_"Mrowr, cat fight!"_ Baldwin jeered.

_"That's for girls ar-oh I see what you did there."_ I said, rolling my eyes.

"I am, and only your lungs. And be warned, if your subordinate tries anything I will annihilate you."

_"Where is Kabuto anyways?"_ Baldwin asked.

_"Trying to get his pants back from Griffin."_ I replied.

I watched carefully as Tsunade sighed and relented, healing chakra gathered in her hands and I parted his robe so she could reach his lungs.

"This will sting." She said bluntly.

And with that she placed her hands on his chest and released the jutsu. He gasped and grit his teeth. The energy swirled around us and I could almost feel his lungs kitting together. But before I had a chance to find out why his lungs had begun to bleed, they were healed.

* * *

Don't wait! Get the next chapter done a day early by reviewing me! :D

Also, the story will be picking up pace from here on in. :)


	18. IllnessWeakness

**Illness/Weakness**

I sighed and wrung out the cold cloth before rewetting it. This was the fourth time tonight I would be wiping him down. He groaned in pain and writhed underneath the sheets. I thought it would have gotten better since Tsunade had fixed the problem with his lungs, but now it seemed that the curse had flared and he was in poor shape. Orochimaru hissed in pain as stoked the wet cloth over the wounds.

"Hush now." I muttered.

I rewet the cloth another time and laid it on his forehead. As I did this I noticed how shallow his breathing was. He hadn't eaten anything since we had gotten back to the complex; all he had done was collapse in his room and sleep. As I was studying him, his handsome features creased in pain, he rolled to the side causing the cloth to slip off. I sighed; he wasn't going to make this easy. With that fact cemented, I lay down next to him and draped my arm over his side so that I could hold the cold compress to his head.

"What do you think you are doing…" he rasped.

Looks like he was awake, I had to keep cool.

"You have a very, very high fever. Unless you want to sustain damage to that lovely brain of yours I suggest you let me be and go to sleep. You know you need it."

He snarled and was about to say something when another wave of pain coursed through his arms. I could literally feel his fever spike and he groaned and shivered, closing his eyes at last and hopefully being thankful for the cool relief the cloth provided.

Attack of the random 3rd person line: Kabuto walked past a little later and caught a glimpse of a strange sight: His master being embraced by the strange girl from the land of Earth. But what was truly strange, was that for the first time since being cursed, he looked peaceful.

I awoke again when he began stirring. He was kinda out of it, whether from delirium or fog of sleep, but I didn't care, I took my chance.

"Just go back to sleep." I whispered.

"Nrg…" he mumbled.

I smiled; he was definitely out of it.

"Shh," I cooed, "sleep now, you're sick and you need your rest."

I felt him sigh and inch closer to my body. I moved my arm and wrapped it around his too warm-too thin body. And that was the first time I had seen him smile other than when he was plotting my imminent doom. He was weak; I could feel how light he was compared to me. And that's saying something coming from a lazy ass like me. I could only hope that things would get better.

* * *

Want to see more fluff like this? Review!! :D


	19. PainFever

**Pain/Fever**

Nom, nom, nom…

"I'm surprised Baldwin…they have Froot Loops."

_"Processed sugar in its finest form."_

"Hey, don't knock Sam the Toucan. At least they don't taste fake like Fruity Pebbles."

He was probably about to argue the meaning of fake when a terrible scream rippled through the building and nearly made me fall off of my chair.

"That can only be bad." I mumbled as I crammed the rest of the loops in my mouth and dashed for Orochimaru's bedroom.

I was in such a hurry that I almost did a face plant in the hall; luckily someone grabbed the back of my shirt. Saved by the medic.

"Thanks kid." I said.

I had no right to call him that; I'm most likely younger than him, being only twenty this April and all. I skidded to a stop in front of the bedroom of Sound's most eligible bachelor and ran to his side. Kabuto didn't have as much traction as I had had and nearly went crashing into an opposite wall. I'm used to clambering all over ruins in sandals, I'm good with stopping on a frictionless plane. But I didn't have time to 'lol' over his antics.

Orochimaru was sitting up in bed, fresh sweat cascading over his body as his arms shook with the spasms. I watched as he clenched is teeth against the pain.

"Do…something…" he ground out.

I nodded swiftly and placed my hands on his arms, letting the energy flow. I had been getting better at this, learning how to move the energies of the earth and such. But I nearly jerked my hands back, his skin was burningly hot.

"Get a thermometer in here, he's burning up." I ordered.

I used my concern to continue the flow of healing energy as Kabuto ran to get the instrument. The moment he came back I grabbed the thermometer and shoved it under Orochimaru's tongue. He would have protested had I not clamped my hand under his jaw to hold it shut. The device beeped moments later and I looked at the reading.

"Crap in a hat, 107.6. He's bordering on hyperpyrexia. Grab that kit over there and get as much water as you can, cold and ice. Hurry!"

Hyperpyrexia is that special temperature where the human body is in risk of sustaining permanent damage. I wrenched open my kit and grabbed a handful of feverfew, witch hazel and lemon verbena before quickly grinding it all into a paste. The various herbs would reduce his fever and help with the pain. I would of course have to shove some synthetic medications down his throat later but this would be the best for him right now as I would just have to spread it on him.

I looked up from my mortar and pestle and saw him looking back at me. His tarnished gold eyes earned a sad look from me.

"Here," I said, "let me take off your shirt. I need to get this on you unless you want to sustain damage. You're burning up and it may cause damage."

He nodded weakly and I helped him slip the robe from his shoulders. I almost dropped the mortar as I laid eyes on his body, and it wasn't from joy.


	20. Battle ScarsScar Tissue

**Battle Scars/Scar Tissue**

I knelt there, my hands trembling as I lay my eyes on my crush's body. His lithe, thin form was littered with scars. Scars of all shapes and sizes crisscrossed his back and chest, intertwining and creating a maze of damaged tissue that would never heal; remnants of thousands of battles. I couldn't stop myself; I began tracing one of the scars, following its path over the knotted, lean muscles on his back. I wanted to hold him, to cry for all the times he had felt his flesh part in the way of a blade; for the pain he must have felt as he bound his own wounds in some dark and forgotten land.

"I know it's not much to look at…" he muttered.

I bit my lip.

"Oh, come here you."

I threw my arms around him and held him tight.


	21. Sick in BedStarvation

**Sick in Bed/Starvation**

_ "Hey Baldwin, don't you think 'Georgia Peach' is the theme when you're in the Dog's Life starting area?"_

_"…Omg you're totally right! We should tell your sis."_

_"I know, we totally should, and we need to find their name in the credits!"_

Contrary to my personality, I actually do enjoy some quite time music, Acoustic Alchemy and David and Diane Arkenstone are two of my personal favorites but I can also fall asleep to Green Day and Yes…yeah, I'm weird like that; any who, I was 'jamming' to my favorite guitar strumming alchemists when I heard my dear patient wake up.

"Morning sleepy head." I said brightly, taking out my earphones.

He grumbled something and smoothed his hair back.

_"Mweh heh heh, bed head."_ Baldwin laughed.

I stifled a laugh. Oh damn, I kinda hated that robe thing he wore to bed, take it off dammit so I can bask in the moment!! I know you're probably thinking 'what about all those scars?' Well let me tell you this, I think it makes him even cooler.

_ "You're going to that fan-girl place again Kelly."_ Baldwin warned.

I shook my head and got myself back on earth. He was avoiding meeting my eyes, the realization of the somewhat compromising position we had been in yesterday probably made him on edge. I was guessing his ego bruised like a fruit. I'm a carnivore personally.

"Hey," I said, "While we're on the subject of food…"

"We're not."

"I was thinking you haven't eaten anything in awhile."

"I'm not hungry."

"Three whole days without food since I've been here and even someone of your power…"

"I'm not hungry."

"I should bring you something. How's that sound?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Go talk to Kabuto, he'll bring me something."

"I think I will. I can cook."

_"Yeah, in a microwave."_

_"Shut up Baldwin."_

I didn't even wait for his answer; I got up and left with a grin. Contrary to Baldwin's previous statement I can use a stove. I can make soup, omelets, SPAM and hotdogs provided I'm not also playing Katamari Damachy.

So, soup…shall we take stock of what the complex keeps in its pantry? Let's not. I found a can of soup and let it simmer on the stove.

_"So…"_Baldwin said, _"about yesterday…"_

_"You gossip like a twelve year old girl…and yes, I did let myself get all emotional."_

_"He could have killed you for doing that…but he didn't."_

_"I'm healing him. I'm no use to him dead."_

Baldwin just hummed softly to himself in the I-know-something-you-don't-know sort of way. When the soup was finished I grabbed a tray and brought it back to the room. I surprised me how I had gotten to know my way around. I opened the door and he sat up, the scars on his chest rippling as he did so. It took all of my willpower not to drool at the sight. I set the tray on the bedside table and placed my hand against his forehead. He seemed to have grown more comfortable with me touching him.

"Your fever has gone down but there's always a chance it could flare up again. You should eat to build up your strength." I eyed his thin frame; I could have counted the ribs and vertebra if I wished. "I'm guessing you haven't had a good meal in a while." He stared back at me. "What I'm trying to say is, you'll be really sorry if you don't eat."

He was about to reply when a tremor shook the complex.

* * *

Remember to donate your reviews to help further the production of this piece! :D


	22. Weaknesslean on me

**Weakness/Lean on Me**

"Hey listen!!"

_ "You sound like that fairy on that game you're always playing."_ Baldwin grumbled.

Navi, he meant Navi the annoying little fairy that follows Link around in Ocarina of Time. Ocarina…who ever chose that instrument? Anyway, the reason I was unintentionally imitating the little bug was I was chasing after, you guessed it, Orochimaru. He was about to reply too when he was wracked by a sudden burst of pain.

"God damn!" I snarled, pouring more empathic energy into his arms.

"Leave…me…" he growled, "I…am going to…"

"I don't give a rat's ass! You're ill and you need to sit yer ass down and let the guards take care of things!!" I snapped.

He glared at me, fire burning beneath his golden eyes. I was slightly on edge from this; there was every chance he could strike me down for it. Luckily he seemed to reconsider…at least about killing me.

"I will deal with this." He growled.

And before I could say another word he stormed off. I really wasn't equipped to handle a fight…and I probably would end up killing him for using jutsu in his state. Airheaded man...

_"Want to play 20 questions while we wait?!"_ Baldwin chimed in.

"It's no fun when you play, your answer's always 'Chuck Norris'."

_ "Damn straight! You don't f-k with Chuck!"_ Baldwin grinned.

I started to slide to the floor when Kabuto ran past me, almost tripping over me. I curse my reflexes some times. (Bamf!) Oh what I wouldn't give to get a full face plant from the little guy, I suspect it'd be just as entertaining as watching a crying fat kid eat. But I ramble.

"Yo! What's going on?!" I said.

He skidded to a stop and turned to face me.

"Just a minor security breech, they've gotten into the front hall."

"What?! Who's they?! Ey! Get back here mister!!" I shouted at his back.

Damn…I should've brought my DS for shit like this. I spent the next few moments (a moment is technically 90 seconds. Who the Hell decided that?) remembering all the clips of people falling down escalators I had seen. Goggle it on YouTube, it's really freaking funny! I was broken out of my laughing by another explosion based rumbling. At few seconds later, I heard a raspy wheezing coming from down the hall.

"Shit!" I cursed, I knew this would happen.

Orochimaru was leaning against the wall, holding a hand to his chest as he panted for breath.

"Hey!" I said as he started to slide further down the wall.

I grabbed his arm and hoisted it over my shoulders, helping him stand.

"Can you walk?" I added.

He just nodded. I was becoming worried that he had damaged his lungs again in the battle. His breathing hadn't improved by the time I lowered him back onto the bed, and my shoulder had taken a beating. Ow. I rubbed the sore appendage, probably chaffed by his wet skin against my body. Trust me; it wasn't as sexy as it sounds. He was still trying to catch his breath and I could see his thin chest expanding and contracting with the effort. About two years of forensic anthropological influence made my calculating mind surf around all the cartilage and tissue keeping all 24 of his ribs in place so that they could protect the most vital organs. But human kind, being the ever clever creatures that we are, has made instruments that fit just between said ribs.

"Are you hurt?" I asked as images of a kunai or sword plunging into his lungs or heart with a sickly sound flashed through my mind.

"Why would I be." He growled.

I moved to touch him but he stared me down.

"Do not touch me." He snapped.

I raised an eyebrow in dissatisfaction. But I decided to let him alone, a guy like him likes his space and I can understand. Japanese high society tends to be very conservative; I was surprised that he let me take his shirt off in the first place, even if it was for medical purposes. I went back to my room and played some of my stuff, Cake specifically, good song, even better video. I was interrupted when Kabuto slid my door open.

"Knock dammit!" I snipped.

"It's about Lord Orochimaru."

"What of him?"

"Well, after you…"

"Practically carried."

"…Him back to his room he collapsed on the bed."

"As to be expected."

"…And he's obviously over exerted himself. His fever has spiked."

"Tell me something I don't know short, grey and bespectacled!"

He frowned, I grinned.

"He asked for you before the sedative took effect."

I stared at him.

"What?"

"He asked for you."

* * *

Remember to remind me that I have fans waiting for the next update!

Also: watching a crying fat kid eat is the best thing ever.


	23. Out ColdEvil Can be Cute

**Out Cold/Evil Can be Cute**

"_I think he likes you, he wants to kiss you!"_ Baldwin teased.

"Shut it you damn ghost." I snapped.

It had been very difficult for me to watch him panting in the hallway, sweat from the exertion in his weakened state beading on his face. But it was even more so when I opened the door. The beads were now a decently sized populace across his face and his long black hair glistened with the salty liquid. The pants that had invaded his lungs were still agonizingly obvious, even in his attempts to suppress them. My heart constricted at the pained expression creasing his features. He groaned and mumbled something, turning in his fevered sleep and I gently lay a hand on his cheek, trying to concentrate on the heat I could feel rolling off of it instead of how delightfully smooth his skin felt. I sat down on the bed next to him; his fever hadn't dimmed in the least. There was only one thing to do.


	24. NightmareLullaby

**Nightmare/Lullaby**

His normally pale features were flushed with fever. His long black hair was slick with sweat and plastered to his face. He shivered against me. I brushed some of the sweat soaked hair out of his face, noting the amount of heat he was giving off. Part of his robe had slipped from his shoulder and I tugged it back into place. Then, I snuggled up against him. His fever was so high I started sweating myself. He shivered once more as chills wracked his body and put his arms around me, locking me in a sickly embrace, burying his head against my chest with a wet cough. He must be ill, I realized, to show such weakness. I tangled my fingers in his silky hair and cradled his head and body as he slept, whispering words of comfort to keep the nightmares at bay.

We had been like this for a few hours now. I had come to the conclusion that the only way to break his fever once and for all was to sweat it out, and to do that I had to keep the room at a boil. But the higher his temperature climbed, the more he would hallucinate and suffer nightmares. I tightened my grip around him as he began to wriggle. He was a 'wanderer'; his high temperature had caused him to want to get up and out of bed, something I couldn't allow so I had taken to lying in bed and holding him. I felt him shake as another spasm of pain wracked his already helpless form. He winced and his breath caught. I hushed him as he groaned. He was hurting and as much as I would love to alleviate his pain, only so much could be done with empathic energy. I took his hand into mine, his long pale fingers curling around it. I heard his breath catch again and I reached for the pills Kabuto had brought in earlier. He hated the drugs and tried to shy away as I fed them to him. He was glaring at me as I lifted his head to drink a glass of cool water. I knew that he hated not only his weakness but the closeness it necessitated. I stroked his hair until the medicine began to kick in. He closed his eyes and fell back into a fevered slumber. I stroked his hair absently; I still loved him with all of my being despite him pushing me away. I lay down and wrapped my arms around his sleeping form, nestling my hair in his warmth as I tried to comfort him.

During the next few hours I alternating between keeping him from throwing himself out of bed during his struggles with the fever and trying to get some food into him. I had concocted a special broth from light chicken broth and my medicinal herbs. When I first offered up the food, he refused it, weakly throwing his head in protest. But as time went on he ended up letting me trickle it into his throat. He often rejected the liquid all together, but there were the few times that it did not end up dribbling down his chin. When he had his nightmares, thrashing and shouting out words I couldn't understand, I would hold him close and sing to him. One time, I could have sworn he was listening.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

_All your life _

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free._

_Blackbird fly Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night._

_Blackbird fly Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night._

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

He coughed and stirred.

"Th…that song…" he mumbled through the haze of pain and fever.

"Something a little better than the mocking bird song." I smiled.

The fever and the pain had utterly exhausted him and he moved closer to me, slowly falling into, at last, a quiet sleep

* * *

And thus ends the 'sick' arc. So don't ask me if this is gonna be going on. Now the romance will begin...or will it? Read and Review to find out!! :D


	25. Under your blanketTemperature

**Under Your Blanket/Temperature**

I awoke to the man between my arms stirring.

"Hey there." I said softly.

He groaned and began to squirm. I let him go and he rolled over to face me. His golden eyes were swimming in confusion.

"Wh-Why are you…you're in my bed." He growled, it was a pitiful thing really, seeing as he had become very weak.

"Your fever had gotten so high that we needed to sweat it out of you. I was helping with that by adding my body heat. It broke early this morning."

He grunted and tried to sit up, he hissed in pain.

"You're probably sore. You were thrashing around a lot, here, turn around."

He looked at me skeptically.

"Trust me." I insisted.

He still seemed unsure but he obeyed anyways. I slipped his robe from his shoulders and lay my hands on his scarred shoulders. I felt him tense.

"What? Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?"

"Of course not," He scoffed, "You could never cause me any significant damage."

"Good to know, now relax."

He shifted uncomfortably as I once again laid my hands on his shoulders and began to dig my palms into the knotted lengths of muscle I could feel. He sighed and slowly leaned back. I could feel him loosen up and he actually began to fall asleep under my careful ministrations.

"Why don't you lie back down and I'll get you some breakfast." I said.

He nodded. Frankly I wasn't sure he had actually heard me, he was still a little out of it.

"Are you hurt?" Kabuto asked as I trudged into the kitchen.

"Eh?" was the garbled reply.

"Your shirt."

I looked down; my nice off-white archaeology tee-shirt (about four sizes too big) was marred with streaks of blood.

"Grrrrreeeeaaaat." I groaned. I liked that shirt and now I had to have it dry-cleaned. What would I tell mom?

More importantly, what would I tell the silver haired gentleman in front of me? The blood wasn't mine, it was HIS. No, not Kabuto's, Ochi's. I thought back to last night. Neither of us had slept well, him especially because he had suffered a bad attack. I wasn't sure how much he was actually aware during the episode because I was able to hold him without getting killed. Either he was completely out of it or he finally trusted me enough to let me get close.

_It was the violent shivering that woke me. His hands were like claws against the sheets, sweat cascading off of his body. I could tell almost immediately that it was taking all of his strength to bite back the screams that were trying to claw their way out of him. For some reason, I didn't _

_know what, he didn't want to wake his loyal medic. Another wave of pain hit and he nearly threw himself of the bed with the effort it took to keep silent. A low moan escaped him as he sank back into the pillows, fresh chills coursing through his frail form. We were acting on instinct at that point and I pulled him close to me. I couldn't make the pain go away like Kabuto could, but nonetheless I was determined to show him that I could be of some use. I had never felt someone burn so utterly hot, it was nearly scalding me as I guided his head to my shoulder. A small growl was all he could manage at the indignity of it all until I began to do something I never thought I would, or could for that matter. With only his sharp panting and hot breath in my ear to keep me company I slowly began to work my hand in circles on his back. I could feel his ribs and vertebra beneath the skin but it did nothing to deter me from my mission. His breathing slowed to a steady rhythm and soon I was just holding him asleep in my arms._

"It's nothing." I told the little medic.

* * *

The last 'sick' piece...for now

The next piece officially ends this arc and then it's the 'Accidentally in Love' arc. Don't worry about the other two parts, they didn't have interesting names.


	26. It's BegunJoin Us

**It's Begun/Join Us**

So it's begun. I've been allowed to stay on as Orochimaru's personal healer.

_"You enjoy this, don't you?"_

"_Well…to a certain degree, yes. You are, __as all attractive men are to me__, sexier when fevered or in pain, but there is also a part of me that wants to become your doting nursemaid. Interestingly enough this only seems to apply to beings who would rather be left alone in such conditions."_

"_Stringing words together to justify this Hell you've created."_

"_Take your medicine and shut up will you?"_

That had been the second time he had actually smiled at me. For a reason other than…you know. I was happy, but also relieved, because for the past few nights I had been having some really weird dreams. All of them involved him. (well, except that one with the kitty but that's another story) And each time I had found him injured, wounded, or bleeding to death. I remember the most vivid one being the dream where I was running though the network of corridors and found him curled up in one of the unused rooms, blood pouring from his stomach. I would rush to embrace him and he would cough up more to the crimson stuff. But the scariest ones I had were the ones where he tried to speak, the ones where I could have sworn he was going to say 'I love you'.


	27. Are you Challenging me?

**Are you Challenging me?/I Hate Everything About you**

Have you ever seen '10 things I hate about you'? Well, tell me if it's any good because I haven't. (rhetorical question) Frankly, I'm thinking about 'Mean Girls', I didn't think I'd like it at first, at 20 years of age teen movies don't really interest me…actually, teen movies have never interested me. But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is: there are people you love to hate.

"Did you just trip me?!" Kabuto snapped.

I grinned from my position in the chair.

"Now why would I do that?" I said, mustering all the innocence I could with Baldwin having a fit in my head.

Like I said, love/hate.

I stepped over the little medic and sauntered to where I knew Orochimaru would be working. Now that he had regained the use of his arms, he had been busy with 'work'. I guess it's hard running your own criminal empire. Anyway, I sauntered over to the desk and sat down next to where he was writing. I couldn't read the script for all it was worth but…I'm sure he had nice handwriting. The way the brush and ink flowed across the parchment, simply gorgeous.

"What are you doing?" he growled.

I startled and nearly fell off the desk. I can be a bit of a space cadet sometimes.

"Watching you work." I replied.

"Don't you know that looking over someone's shoulder while they write is annoying?" was the curt answer I received.

Well duh. Why else would I be here. Frankly, I wanted to spend time with him, no matter how annoying it was.

"Listen, I've been thinking." I started. The sarcastic look on his face suggested 'that's never a good sign'. I continued anyway. "Since I'm going to be here for a while, I'd figure…y'know, that I should learn how to fight."

He twitched and that cold gaze of his fell upon me. At least his eyes were back to that stunning gold color I loved so much.

"I really have no clue how to fight, as much as I've begged the folks for fencing lessons. And frankly, after you tired yourself out when we had that security breech I've been contemplating the unlikely event that you would somehow be incapacitated and leave me vulnerable…unless I knew how to kick some serious ass."

I could see it written in his expression, I was challenging his pride. He knew that the events after the breech were his lowest point since the failed invasion of Konoha and he wanted to forget it. But I have a very good memory of things like that. At long last, he spoke.

"I suppose I could give it a try. I like a challenge."

* * *

Not as long as we would have liked but...I'm trying hard here. ;) I promise all of you that the story will pick up from here.


	28. A Little More Than FriendsBeautiful Str

This is a new thing I'm trying, P.O.V. switching. I might as well get some worthwhile creative learning out of this. ;) Let me know how it works for you.

* * *

**A Little More than Friends/Beautiful Stranger**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

"!#&!!"

Orochimaru stepped out of his office, hand to his head.

"You're giving me a headache!" He snapped.

I turned on him, glaring.

"I just came from my house and your little snot of a medic has a disk to himself!! Goddamn little nullimitus!" Disk 3 of Volume 7. Goddamn it!!

_ "Male virgin."_ Baldwin translated.

I just the '…what?' look before he shook his head and followed him back into the dimly lit office.

"How the Hell can you see in here?" I could tell by the way he was writing that he was quickly becoming irritated with me. For a superb ninja, he had a surprisingly short fuse. Actually, speaking of ninjas…

"Aren't we due for a lesson?" I said.

He looked up at me, clearly thinking something over.

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

My head was pounding. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and the sleep I did get was tormenting. I had dreamed again and again of that insufferable girl. I was beginning to think that she was more trouble than she was worth…but she had been able to heal me.

"!#&!!"

I frowned, it was her. I stood up and vertigo set in; shaking it off I continued to the hall.

"You're giving me a headache!" I snapped.

She turned around, a frown on her face.

"I just came from my house and your little snot of a medic has a disk to himself!! Goddamn little nullimitus!"

I had no idea what she was talking about and I had learned not to question her antics. I just shook my head and went back to my office. Just as I sat down she bounded in and took a seat on the desk.

"How the Hell can you see in here?" she said.

Her questions were persistent and often pointless. Before I could reply she spoke again.

"Aren't we supposed to have a lesson today?"

I had been training her for the past few days and surprisingly she had been doing quite well. She could not use chakra, that she had stressed constantly. So instead I had been drilling her in basic taijutsu moves, how to use a knife and shiruken etcetera. Actually, she had a bit of knowledge in ranged attacks:

(Kelly's Flashback P.O.V.)

"_Hmpf," he grunted as I twirled the kunai in my hand, "yes you have a kunai but that means nothing if you can't use it--"_

_His words were cut off as I deftly flicked my wrist and implanted the kunai in the wall opposite, missing him by inches. _

"_Grandpa owned a dartboard. It was pretty much the only thing to do at his house when I was a kid." I smirked._

But I was also experiencing something between us. Something more than the student-sensei relationship I had had with Anko, something stronger. I just couldn't put my finger on it.


	29. DenialInner Turmoil

**Denial/Inner Turmoil**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

We were sparring. I had my knife and we were dashing about. I had a feeling he was letting me get close enough to try and make a move, I doubted I could have done so otherwise. I really didn't know why he was training me myself. I had half-expected him to order Kabuto to oversee the matter but perhaps he had noticed how I constantly tormented the little medic.

_ "Let's see if that medical jutsu of his can get a tack outta his ass."_ Baldwin sneered.

So it was either out of necessity or…he was beginning to like me. I liked him and hoped it was only a matter of time before he returned the favor. I made a dash for him and he deftly moved out of the way, catching me from behind and holding his own knife to my bare neck. Knowing he wouldn't kill me, I took a moment to notice how snuggly his arm wrapped around my waist. It was very nice, very warm and safe feeling. He saw me smiling and pulled the knife away.

"That's enough for today." He said.

I could tell he was struggling with himself, struggling not to admit he was feeling closer to me as well. Remember those dreams I had been having? Well…I had reason to suspect he was having similar dreams.

_I watched intently as he sat in bed, fidgeting with his robe or glancing side to side. _

"_Well that's odd, he's not supposed to have nightmares…"_I thought.

"_And you are not supposed to be here." _Baldwin replied.

"_And you were supposed to have died in eleven eighty-five you damn ghost." _ I shot back.

_The 'damn ghost' just chuckled, snarky bastard. He was right though, perhaps by being here I had somehow altered the timeline. It was entirely possible…to a girl who had watched one too many Stargate's._

* * *

Denial is a river in Africa. Now LAUGH!!


	30. Won't say I'm in loveLocked hearts

**I Won't Say I'm In Love/Locked Hearts**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

_"I thought I was done with this!!"_

That intolerable girl had invaded my dreams once again. This time held hostage by that brat Itachi. I ran my hand through my hair, damp with the cold sweat I had woken up in. Why the Hell was I dreaming of her? Was it because…no, not that's not it. That can't be it. I am not in love.

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

Guarded. That's a word I've used to describe a lot of my characters but never before had I actually seen it in action. Orochimaru was a very guarded person himself, he never let anyone near him and even Kabuto, his right hand man so to speak, was kept on his toes for fear of being suddenly struck down. I probably had him even more on edge seeing as his position was in danger. I just may become the new healer around here. At the same time I was trying my hardest to get close to my love. He wasn't necessarily pushing me away; he let me get close to him physically…but not emotionally.

_ "What a tease."_ Baldwin had said.

No matter what I did, his heart remained closed to me.


	31. Addicted to your touchAgainst temptatio

**Addicted To Your Touch/Against Temptation**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

We were walking through the woods. Well, actually…_I _was walking through the woods with Orochimaru following me. I don't know why, he probably didn't want me to end up killing myself. I had sorta given him the impression that it was in high likelihood if I was left alone. As it stands, it meant that I had some quality alone time with him. Oh yeah, and I had the song 'I Just can't Wait to be King' stuck in my head. Damn you Disney!! (shakes fist) I suppose having an upbeat song like that in your head will make you do things you wouldn't normally do, like not watch where you're going. I was about to take another 'happy' step when I felt someone grab me around the waist. I wasn't freaked out or anything, instead it was the nice, safe, warm feeling from earlier.

"Are you blind girl?" a familiar voice hissed.

I was about to step into a trip wire. I smiled again. He was holding me, and it was delightful. But as soon as I had settled myself there, he let go.

"Well excuse me for not seeing the nearly invisible monofilament…" I saw that he was surveying our location. "Is it the same guys from before? It's not much of a hideout if these guys can find it."

"Prepare yourself."

_ "Sounds like a Mortal Kombat tagline."_ Baldwin snickered.

"Wha-" my words were cut off as he flipped out a kunai and sliced the monofilament in two.

There was no explosion, no sound, no nothing.

"That was a bust."I muttered.

But I saw him smirk, and that was enough for me to ready myself with my own kunai. That's when I heard the crashing sounds of people in the trees. I may not be as fast as a real shinobi, but Ochi had trained me well. Three shinobi suddenly appeared around us, but I could see them flinch as they realized who they had snared. But I that was all I saw as they rushed us. I would have tried to keep an eye on Orochimaru but I was preoccupied with this guy who seemed to have singled me out. I was dodging and rolling and cart wheeling out of his reach as I tried to formulate an attack. I had never been a quick thinker. I was trying to get behind him to slit his throat…although I doubted I could actually kill him. I managed to trip him and get behind him but not before he had pushed himself up and flipped around to face me, knocking me to the ground.

"Got you now." He sneered.

_ "Quick! Go for his weak spot!"_ Baldwin called.

You didn't need to tell me twice. My foot lashed out and caught him in the crotch. He sank to his knees and there was a sick, wet sound. I saw the tip of a sword protrude from his chest and he fell to the ground, dead. I looked up and saw Orochimaru withdrawing his blade.

"I take it you are uninjured." He said.

I nodded and he held out a hand to help me up. As he did so, I noticed his left arm was bleeding.

"I'm not hurt but you are. Let me see that." I said.

He flinched away.

"It's only a flesh wound."

"That's what the Black Knight said in Monty Python now give it here!"

_"Ni!"_ Baldwin added.

I grabbed his arm and peered at the wound through the fabric. It was deep and bleeding, but not heavily. Luckily it had missed the vital arteries.

"This needs to be cleaned and bandaged. Now come on, let's go."

_ "I wonder who's leading who?"_ Baldwin mused as I took my love's arm and nearly dragged him back to the complex.

* * *

Monty Pythonwin


	32. Behind these Eyes

**Behind These Eyes**

"Ow!" He hissed, "Watch what you're doing!"

"Oh quit being such a big baby." I said as I dabbed the wound with iodine.

The stuff hurt, I knew, but he would get over it. I looked over at him; he had the cutest little frown on. I touched the wound again and he winced. I spread a little of the healing ointment I had on the cut and reached for the bandages.

"So, how was I today?" I asked, trying to make some small talk.

"You did fine, for a novice at the ninja arts." He said quietly.

I carefully wrapped the bandages around his arm and taped them down.

"There." I said, "That should be fine."

He didn't say anything; he was resting his chin on his palm, obviously in deep thought. I took a moment to look into his eyes. He always reminded me of this song by the Who.

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes_

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be hated_

_To be fated_

_To telling only lies_

_But my dreams_

_They aren't as empty_

_As my conscience seems to be_

_I have hours, only lonely_

_My love is vengeance_

_That's never free_

_No one knows what it's like_

_To feel these feelings_

_Like I do_

_And I blame you_

_No one bites back as hard_

_On their anger_

_None of my pain and woe_

_Can show through_

_But my dreams_

_They aren't as empty_

_As my conscience seems to be_

_I have hours, only lonely_

_My love is vengeance_

_That's never free_

_When my fist clenches, crack it open_

_Before I use it and lose my cool_

_When I smile, tell me some bad news_

_Before I laugh and act like a fool_

_If I swallow anything evil_

_Put your finger down my throat_

_If I shiver, please give me a blanket_

_Keep me warm, let me wear your coat_

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes_

_"Only his eyes are gold."_ Baldwin pointed out.

"Stfu." I replied.

* * *

Inspired by Beauty and the Beast, you know , the part where Belle is cleaning the Beast's wound and he snaps at her.


	33. And the Jackass of the Year Award Goes 2

**And The Jackass of the Year Award Goes To...**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

I lay awake on the bed staring at the ceiling, not because it was interesting, simply because my chest hurt too much to sleep. After all, it had only been three days since I had found the strength to walk, and most recently fight. The fight we had been in left me with some bruises and I was still…weak. To tell the truth it was a darkly comfortable change from the pain that had once wracked my arms. I lay there for some time listening to the breathing of the girl beside me. She had insisted on staying with me through the night and I, for some foolish reason, had decided to humor her. She looked so calm, so cozy. I rarely let her stay like this. Normally I would send her away but this night I was simply too tired and in too much pain. She could probably sense that something was wrong anyway. She had that annoying talent.

I wasn't afraid of the dark. I never have been. Not even when I was a little kid. And lately I had spent far too many nights alone in it, trying not to scream out in pain or cough blood. Yet this night had been different. I felt tense and the shadows that loomed through the window did nothing to ease the situation. Had I really become this paranoid since my encounter with the third Hokage?

Silently I drew back the covers and stepped from the bed. The girl mumbled something in her sleep and turned over. I stood, hardly daring to breathe; hoping I hadn't woke her up. Finally, convinced that she was still asleep, I walked out of the room. As I snuck out of the room I threw one last glance at the girl.

As I stepped outside the fresh air hit me, like a punch in the chest. I drew in a couple of deep breaths of the fresh, crisp night air. For a few fleeting seconds I felt so alive, so full of bliss, but soon the feeling was drowned by a wave of dull pain. I hissed and clutched my chest, feeling the ribs beneath my skin. I had lost weight during my illness. I sat on the step of the front door and looked into the night sky, above me hung the crescent moon. I sighed.

I didn't know how long I sat there, savoring the night breeze, staring at that crescent moon. I didn't really think about anything in particular, but stared thoughtfully into that sky as if waiting for answers which were never to come. It was chilly and I wasn't wearing anything more than the haori robe I usually wore to sleep. I sighed and hunched my shoulders. It was very cold.

Suddenly I felt a warmer; someone had put a blanket around his shoulders. I didn't need to look up to know who it was. I hadn't heard her coming. Maybe it was because I was so deep in thought. Maybe it was because she had been studying at moving silently. Maybe it was both. It didn't matter really, what mattered was that she was here and that she had seen me like this, weak.

She sat down beside me, another blanket wrapped around her own shoulders. I didn't know what to say. I waited. She smiled softly. I glanced away. I was surprised when she put her hand on mine and that she didn't say anything. She was still smiling softly as her lips touched my cheek.

"Just what the Hell do you think you're doing?!" I snapped.


	34. ArgumentScrew You!

**Argument/Screw You! **

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I hadn't meant for it to happen, it just did. I couldn't help myself. I planted a kiss on his cheek and he had flinched away.

"Just what the Hell do you think you're doing?!" he snapped.

I just sat there, shocked.

"I…I…"

"I believe you may have out stayed your necessity girl."

Then it was my turn to snap.

"How dare you!!" I shouted, "After all I've done for you! I have a name and you won't even use it you…you bastard! I thought that…that maybe you would have lightened up after…after…" I had begun to cry, "after I held you…and sang…I kept the nightmares from you and…how can you deny it! I loved you from the start and my only wish was to see that love returned to me!"

He was stunned, I could see it in his eyes and on his face.

"Kelly I…"

"Just shut up! I can tell when I'm not wanted! Screw you, I'm going HOME!!"

And with that I stormed away to the river and back to Earth.


	35. Run AwayAuf

**Run Away/Auf Wiedersehen**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

I sighed and leaned against the door frame. She was really gone. I was staring into her empty room, she had left late last night, without even a goodbye. And despite my attempts to shake it, I missed her. She had brought something into my life, a certain happiness that I had only just realized I had been missing. I recalled her saying something similar a while back…

_"You're lonely." She said slyly._

"_I'm not lonely! I have many people surrounding me!" I replied._

_She just huffed._

_"Just because you have people around you doesn't mean that you aren't lonely. Gods, haven't you ever seen Unico…or at least a decent kids film?" _

At the time I, of course, had no idea what she was going on about but now I could see. I really had no other way around it now, I was in love. And just at that realization hit me, I heard the flapping of wings.

* * *

It means 'Goodbye' in German.


	36. CreationWhat a Fool I've Been

**Creation/ What A Fool I've Been**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

"Hey, hey, hey! A little Bird told me you f-ked up big time!" a voice squawked.

The creature Kelly had created landed in front of me.

"Your owner isn't here." I replied.

"Duh! I know that, didn't you hear me?" it said.

I sighed and sat on a nearby rock. The creature padded over to me.

"You look lethargic." It said pointedly.

"It seems you have inherited your creator's talent for word choice." I replied.

And in all respects it was right. I had been feeling rather lethargic lately. It sat down and looked me in the eye.

"You need to go after her."

I looked up and it giggled at me.

"Aw, tee-hee, you have the cutest little face on. But as I was saying, you need to go after her. Show her you were wrong and say sorry and all that jazz."

"Surprisingly, that makes sense and as much as I hate to say it, you are right. I will go after her."

I had been such a fool, trying to deny my emotions. I had decided I was going to get the woman I loved back. Just as I was wondering what Earth would be like, I heard a rustling in the trees.

* * *

And thus ends this arc. Next arc: Meet the Parents


	37. Earth

I'm baaaacccckkkk!! evil laughter And I'm back on the writing streak. I'm going to update once a week with a few chapters each time. I'm also working on some other projects and comics. So, enjoy the continuation of my tale.

* * *

**Earth**

Earth is:

"Some granite that we like to call a planet."-Blues Traveler

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

I growled. Or, rather, that's what I tried to do. In my current state it came out as nothing more than a weak hiss. I didn't know how this had happened, only that it had. And that's all I cared about, there would be time later when I could go over the details, for now I had to concentrate on finding Kelly.

That name, if felt so good to say it. I allowed myself a small smile as her smiling image swam into my mind's eye. I soon came upon a house, pale brown in color (very pale) with a stone patio. The construction of the dwelling was something that I had never seen before. I heard two dogs barking as I made my way to the door. One was some sort of long haired brown animal and he was barking furiously. Then there was another…thing. It was incredibly short with white and orange fur. Was this a dog? I remember Kelly saying that she had two but was this the short one? My thoughts were interrupted by someone yelling at the animals to shut up.

_"Kelly" _my tired brain sighed.

But as I stood there a girl came into the room, a pair of headphones around her neck…and she was not my Kelly.


	38. DesperationPhonecall

**Desperation/Phone Call**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I was at a bar trying to drink away my sorrows over losing Ochi. Although I wasn't very good at it considering I was only halfway through my first beer. Baldwin was already drunk and laughing at his own jokes…oh, wait, he does that when he's sober. Anyway, my friends were beckoning me to join them on the dance floor when my phone went off.

_"Teenage wasteland…it's only teenage wasteland…they're all wasted!"_

I noticed that the call was from my sister so I had to take it. I stepped outside and answered.

_"HI KYRA!!"_ Baldwin shouted.

"She can't hear you." I replied.

He just dissolved into a fit of giggles. Creepy.

"Yo." I said to the phone.

"Uh…Kelly?" Kyra said on the other end.

"What's up? Did the dogs get out?" I sighed.

"No but…listen you need to come home now."

"Is the power out?"

"No it's…."

"Is the kitchen on fire?"

"It's…"

"Than what?!"

"Your boyfriend's here!"

_ "I didn't know you had a boyfriend on earth."_ Baldwin said.

"I don't." I replied out loud before snapping the phone shut.


	39. SiblingsUnexpected Visitor

This is a piece by my wonderful sister. Enjoy her reaction to my new boyfriend. :)

* * *

**Siblings/Unexpected Visitor**

(Special Guest Author Kyra's P.O.V.)

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

Here he was, the famous snake lord manga character Orochimaru himself, in my living room.

What the hell was wrong with this picture?

"…So," I said quietly, staring at the floor before looking at him awkwardly, "…You're really Orochimaru?"

"Why do you keep questioning my identity?" the Marylin Manson look-alike snapped at me, "Don't you know who I am? I am Lord Orochimaru, lord of the-"

"I know who you are," I interrupted him, holding up a hand, "Look, mister, I'm gonna have to ask you to keep your voice down. My mom said I can't talk to strangers, so I already broke that rule, so if anyone sees you in my house, they'll call the police. So either shut up or get out." Said Orochimaru narrowed his snake like eyes at me. I inwardly gulped; that was probably the worst, and last, decision of my life.

"Fine," he hissed, "I just want to ask you a couple of questions."

I sighed in relief.

"Me first," I held up a finger, "I wanna know, since you're a manga character and all, if you can bring any manga character into the human world?"

Orochimaru blinked, looking actually clueless for once. Kelly would call it 'cute'.

"Excuse me?" he muttered.

"Like L," I smiled, leaning forward in my seat, "Can you bring him here?"

"Just who the hell is this L that you speak of?" Orochimaru snapped, "And why would you want me to bring this so called "manga character" into your world?"

"He's a hottie," I sighed, biting my fingertip in thought, "Actually, you can bring Light too. In fact, I have this list that-"

"Enough!" Orochimaru snapped, banging his fist on the coffee table, causing a cat to run out from underneath it, yeah, we got cats coming out of the woodworks around here, "Enough! I demand you tell me the whereabouts of Kelly!" I jumped. So he did know her.

I was quiet for a second, my heart thumping in my chest as the snake man's eyes burned into mine menacingly.

"Ah, well," I rubbed the back of my head, looking at the ceiling, "Y'see, she went to college a while back, and I tried calling her phone like a bunch of times, but she'd never answer. In fact," I pointed a finger at him, "I called, and _you_ yelled at me and hung up, so I assumed that you were her boyfriend, but I didn't know that you were Orochimaru, let alone a manga character-"

"_Enough with this manga character talk!_" the snake lord suddenly snapped.

I winced like a dog who was confronted with an owner raising their hand in fury. As he opened his fanged mouth to yell something else at me, his eyes suddenly widened and he doubled over, holding his stomach and coughing. My eyes widened and I edged up onto the white couch, holding my knees. Soon enough he started hacking up blood, letting it drip down his pale chin and onto the carpet. I winced; and this was my sister's boyfriend.

"…Hey, buddy…you okay?" I asked quietly.

"G-Get me s-some water," he hacked hoarsely, shaking as his glazed eyes met my wide ones. Not wanting to get some strange disease from my sister's boyfriend (seriously, how many people can say that?!) I quickly got up and raced to the kitchen, my dog trotting quickly at my heels. As I poured the water into the glass, I could still hear him coughing and hacking away in the living room.

"Robotussin, the tussin, the tussin," I sang softly as I walked into the room with the cold glass of water.

My hand was shaking slightly as the hunched over snake lord snatched the glass from my hand and downed it. After a sedated gasp, he wiped his mouth and looked at me, his face glistening with sweat.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

I bit my finger and stared at the floor.

"Look," I said nervously, "I don't know where Kelly is. If she is…in this world with you, then you have a better idea of where she is then I do. I mean, no offense, but I stopped reading Naruto a while back. I mean, yeah it was fun for a while, but then I discovered Full Metal Alchemist, Death Note, Absolute Boyfriend, Strawberry-anyway…," I paused, fidgeting my feet as I said, "I don't know the first thing about your world. I wish I could help, but…"

Orochimaru held up a hand, but did not yell.

"Please," he said softly, his burning eyes now strangely soft as they looked back at me, "I would do anything for this woman. She means the world to me. If you help me find her, I promise that I will protect her with my life."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. Was he serious? Would the real Orochimaru say something like that? Does he really care that much about my sister? I looked at the ceiling in thought.

"Will you help me?" the pale snake lord suddenly asked me, standing up shakily onto his feet and standing above me, "Will you help me?"


	40. Home Sweet Home

**Home Sweet Home/Something is Rotten in the State of New York**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I was driving kinda fast down the highway but hey, I was watching where I was going.

_"Please slow down. Remember, if you die I'm homeless."_. Baldwin pleaded.

"Shut up!" I snarled back.

I wasn't in a good mood. Orochimaru had actually followed me to Earth of all places. That was either touching or just plain creepy. I really couldn't tell, not with him. And he had met my sister…again…who knew I got cell service in Otogakure? Anyway, I was busy trying to think of what I was going to do. Kyra had said that he was injured badly. She didn't say how badly but it didn't exactly matter as any time I consume a certain amount of beer my empathic senses are dulled. I can't use them under the influence; I get all 'muzzy'. So I could only hope that he wasn't bleeding too much before I could treat him. Good god, what would my folks say? Right now they were on a trip for their anniversary so luckily I wouldn't have to deal with the 'oh hi mom and dad, this is my…er…boyfriend…'-ness for a while.

Finally, I arrived home. Kyra was waiting on the steps for me.

"Thank God you're here. Come on, I put him in your room."

"Why my room?"

"Would you rather explain to mom and dad why there's a ninja in their bed?"

"Touché."

I opened the door to my bedroom and gasped.


	41. Bedroom

**Bedroom**

The room was heady with the scent of blood and sweat. I could hear his lungs rasping as a cough began to form.

"Dear Gods." I said softly.

I ran to his side, kneeling on the floor and taking his hand in mine. It was cold and clammy.

"He's fading fast, bring me a bowl of hot water and a washcloth." I said.

While my sister ran to fetch those things I began to strip my love to scan for any signs of injury. I found it, a knife wound right underneath the ribs. And there were green flakes around it.

"Shit!" I cursed. "Poison. Kyra! Get me my model kit!"

My model building kit has a scalpel like knife in the tool box.

"Ew, what the hell?"

"It's poison." I said as I screwed on the blade.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…you're not gonna sterilize it first?" Kyra asked.

"No time. This is a clean blade anyway. Okay, can you grab his arms? He's not gonna like this."

Kyra hesitated but eventually did what I asked. I leaned over Orochimaru and widened the wound. He groaned and twisted a bit as the blade sliced, allowing blood to flow. I pressed the cloth to it and grabbed a roll of bandages.

"Shh, you'll be fine." I cooed softly.

He stilled, and I was left to plot my next move.


	42. PoisonWork of the Puppet Master

**Poison/Work of the Puppet Master**

Now that the initial shock was over, I had some time to reflect on our relationship. I was obviously still in love with the poor bastard and I think he was starting to like me as well. And anyway, the way he was curled up in my bed was so…so…

"That is just too fricking cute." I sighed.

I stroked his hair and the side of his face before getting up, a vial of his blood in my hand. Orochimaru had been poisoned, and I knew of only one person who would be willing to help.

"HE'S BEEN WHAT?!"

"Calm down shorty." I huffed.

Incase you couldn't already tell, I was talking to my favorite virgin punching bag, Kabuto.

"How bad is it?" he asked urgently.

"He could stand for the most part but he fell unconscious a few hours ago."

"Hours?!"

"Shaddup! I've watched enough Black Jack to know what I'm doing." I held up the vial of blood. "Book 28 of your manga featured a new character, Sasori the puppet master. His specialty? A paralytic poison that works over three days, give or take a day depending on where it hits. Since Orochimaru's wound is in his abdomen I'm guessing we have two days at the most. Even if it's not Sasori, you can still concoct an antidote from this." I rattled off.

"I can, can I?" Kabuto smirked, pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

_ "Can-can, can you do the can-can, can-can, can you do the do-do-do OW!"_

_"Shut it Baldwin."_

"What? Afraid of a little challenge?" I replied smugly.

"Oh I can do it, I just don't like people assuming I can."

"How humble. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Try half a day."

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch man-bitch."


	43. Ache

**Ache**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

When I got back home, I discovered that his fever had escalated to the point of delirium. I did what I could to make him comfortable, which was not really much since I had no medical training and Kabuto needed time to prepare the antidote. I brought in extra blankets and placed them over his shivering body when he was asleep. I fed him, held him to keep him warm and, most of all, I talked to him. (During the few instances he was awake of course.) I would tell him stories of my home, stories of my adventures and travels, of the wonderful Caribbean beaches and their white sand. I told him of a place in the jungle filled with ancient ruins, lights and laughter. I told him about the strange birds in Cancun, small ones with long green feathers that were once a prized possession. He listened. He listened to the stories he couldn't remember and would never recall. My voice soothed him, made the turmoil within his body a bit more tolerable. My voice served as a reminder that he was alive, that he was not going crazy after all. That I was there for him. So he listened and I spoke.

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

Her soothing voice washed over me, wiping away the pain until the shadows tried to claim me once more. I hadn't felt this weak since the days after my encounter with the Third Hokage, when I really did think I was going to die.

_ The first thing that I felt was pain. Something I had become so accustomed to the past few days that it felt as if it had always been this way._

_Consciousness was a fleeting thing; I was constantly in the world between sleeping and waking. My body was soaking wet and felt heavy as if something lay over it. My head pounded terribly, my arms felt constrained and stiff, protesting every little twitch however involuntary. But most of all they burned tremendously. My eyes snapped open in an instant as I struggled to sit up, fingers barely gripping the sheets as something sharp pulled at my arm, sending a searing pain through my left arm. I cried out (weakly), reaching to remove the object but a hand lay over my wrist. Luckily for the owner of the offending hand, my reflexes were not exactly at their best as I tried to lash out. My other hand was snared as well and held firmly. The room was almost too dark to see, but I was able to make out a shadowy figure in front of me. Just as I was about to shout again the shadow spoke,_

"_Orochimaru-samma, it's alright! This is your room! Calm down!" The male said in a hushed tone, and I hated it at once. "That's the I.V., leave it in!" But I was already curling up in pain, giving a low groan of anguish. I coughed. _

_They were the same, low, wet coughs that I had been trying to hide. I was weak enough as it is without my lungs becoming a problem. My chest was in pain. My body was beginning to protest every breath simply because it required me to move. I was still running a dangerously high fever and my skin was wet with it. Soon, my body was going to feel the withdrawal of all of _

_the medicine that I had taken simply to keep from going mad with agony. And to top it all off my arms were burning particularly badly. _

_ "I've got to hold on."_ I thought as her grip on my hand tightened.


	44. ConcoctionHey Baby

**Concoction/Hey Baby**

Good God in heaven I was freaking out. And that's saying something because I'm aethiest. I really, desperately wanted to be able to hold Orochimaru again but…we hadn't exactly left things on a good note. And Kabuto would be here any minute to administer the antidote. I told him to do it because I'm very likely to screw up and kill someone. But about the other thing, I'm really the kind of person who doesn't know they're falling until they hit the pavement. Oh, hey. Ouch.

But I digress, because the virgin was knocking at my door.

"I'm here, as requested." He said, pushing his glasses back and holding up the syringe.

"Fine, fine, man-bitch. Just get yer ass over here." I said, grabbing his shirt sleeve and yanking him into the room.

I got seated next to my love as Kabuto began preparing to inject the antidote.

"This poison's structure is very interesting…there, it's done."

"How long until he wakes up?"

"Either tonight or tomorrow morning."

"Fine, what about the poison's structure?" I said.

Yes, I was interested.

Kabuto adjusted his glasses again and continued.

"The poison is so complex that it took me a while to get around it. Whoever made this would probably need to look at several medical textbooks to create and antidote, even if they created it. It is both a neurotoxin as well as an inhibitor of infectious symptoms, obviously to throw people off the trail."

I thought for a moment.

"Well, I do remember in book 30 how Sasori mentioned that he had created a poison so complex that he didn't even know the makeup off the top of his head. So it doesn't rule him out…actually, it incriminates him. Damn puppets."

There are three things that are just plain creepy in this world, dolls, puppets and clowns.

"Fine, fine," I sighed, "run along now, back to the labs with you."

He frowned but left the room. Leaving me and Orochimaru alone. I fell asleep waiting for him to wake up. When I finally did, it was morning. I lifted my head and saw him still asleep. I sighed and motioned to get up.

"You're awake…"

His voice, it was faint but it was there. I turned and saw him looking up at me with those golden eyes, a smile playing on his lips. I couldn't contain myself any longer. With a cry I leapt on him.

"Oh Gods!" I shouted, "Oh Gods!"

I kissed him. And he welcomed it.

* * *

Yes, now praise me. B)


	45. Hell is for HerosLittle Piece of Heaven

**Hell Is For Heroes/Little Piece of Heaven**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

_I had woken to full withdraw, fever, and the blinding, searing pain of my arms. I was tired, exhausted from the strain of illness upon my body, but my fever raged and my wounds burned. The bandages itched, my skin slick with sweat, hair clinging to my face as I gripped the sheets, arching my back in pain._

_I tried to stay silent. Teeth clenched tightly, I gave myself a headache trying to keep sound from escaping my tormented frame. My body broke out in sweat, writhing, twisting into the sheets. Kabuto had left my side, and I was never gladder to be alone. A low hiss and a groan of pain broke free; my stomach lurched and protested at having been given nothing but water and medication for the past few days, not that I could keep anything else down, it was hard enough fighting with my rebellious body to let the medication take effect. _

_I twisted myself to the side as a wave of pain and nausea passed through my body, begging away the nightmares that came to me in this nearly delirious state, sweat slipping over my flushed, hot skin to soak my hair and pillow as I turned my face into it. It hurt to gasp for breath as I was, each heavy pant feeling like a stab to my lungs. _

"_Nnn...nnngghh!" I pressed my head back into my pillow as my back arched, stomach cramping up tightly as I curled back up swiftly, writhing in pain that made me feel like it was being torn from my body._

"_Nn—hhkkk... yaaaaah!!" _

_My screams broke out, full-voiced and ear-splitting. The halls resounded with my private hell, and every ear that heard them was wincing. They continued, unending and uninterrupted. _

"_Grrrr...arrrrrgh…rrrrg!" _

_I twisted and pulled at the sheets and headboard._

"_D... damn...it—hck--aaaah!" Never in my life had I lacked so much control over my body, every painful muscle spasm, every crippling stomach cramp, and every throb of my wounds._

"_Ahhh...!"_

_Suddenly, I felt a calm hand on my forehead and something cool being pressed there with it._

"_Jebus Christ you're gonna wake the dead like this." A voice yawned._

_I cracked open my eyes. It was the girl; she was in her night clothes, a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, and pressing a cold, wet washcloth to my fevered brow. She yawned again and sat down beside me and continued to bathe my face with the cloth. My body suddenly ached less and miraculously I was able to drift into a light sleep._

I awoke with a start and it took me a few seconds to remember where I was and what had happened. I turned, Kelly was sleeping peacefully next to me…ah yes, this was her room after all.

I thought back to the dream. It was more of a memory, a nightmarish memory. She had saved me twice now. I allowed myself a small smile and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She had pulled me from hell and into heaven.

* * *

"Something happened on the way to heaven..." What? I like Phil Collins.

No complaints about the part in italics because 1) it's only a memory and hence not a new arc in the story 2) I'm a sadist. This is how I get my rocks off. If I had any. I'm a girl. In case you couldn't tell.


	46. Don't Touch That!

Another guest piece by Spookthemook! :D

* * *

**Don't Touch That!**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

Needless to say I still had work and school to go to so as much as I would have loved to stay and cuddle with my love, cooperate America was calling my name. So I had to leave Orochimaru in the care of my sister…this could be difficult.

"How long will you be gone?" he asked as I kissed him good-bye.

"Only a few hours. Try to get some sleep, before you know it I'll be right back here. Try to stay in bed."

He nodded and closed his eyes as I tip-toed out the door.

(Kyra's P.O.V.)

Okay, so, I already established how my sister's boyfriend had come to stay with us. But do you know how hard it was to get him there?

_"Okay, just go lie-"_

_Crash._

"_What did I say about touching things!?"_

"_I can barely keep my own balance! Must you shout at me!?"_

_I shut my eyes tight and grabbed my head with both hands, swaying upwards towards the ceiling. This was a mistake. This was not real. No way was he staying here. On the way upstairs he fell over twice, almost squashing me in the process, coughed up sick looking blood, and now he was complaining about me. The only person I think who has ever complained about me is Kelly. Well, maybe they are suited for each other. _

_I went ahead of him and opened my sister's bedroom. I wrinkled my nose when I entered; I probably should have cleaned it before letting this guy stay in it, but he didn't seem to mind the piles of books, clothes, magazines, and the scent of her cat Pharaoh that hadn't left in three years. _

_Well, no way in hell is he staying in my room._

"_You can stay here until she comes back," I said while leaning up against the wall, "Which should be soon, I guess." I watched as Orochimaru trudged weakly over to the bed, finally collapsing on the white sheets. I wrinkled my nose again; I hope he wiped his mouth._

"_Thank you," Orochimaru breathed, turning over slightly. I didn't really know what to say. I mean, I was still kind of wary of the guy. Not only has he killed numerous people, but he was my sister's boyfriend. And as I was thinking this, he was licking his lips with his foot long tongue. Cue nose wrinkle._

"…_So…," I stalled, rocking a bit on my heels. Orochimaru looked at me sideways._

"_What?" he grumbled. I hesitated._

"…_So…Have you and…I mean…have you two…never mind!" I blurted the last two words, wincing. _

_Horrible, unwanted images came to mind to mind. I decided to leave the snake man there and go downstairs until my sister came back. Surely he would be alright by himself upstairs. I was pretty sure he passed out when I left anyway._

Yeah, that was fun. (rolls eyes)

It had only been about five minutes since Kelly had left when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I ignored them for a while, fully engrossed in the TV, when a figure appeared in the doorway.

"Ah! Whatthehell!?" I yelped, jumping almost a foot in the air.

"How do you expect me to rest with that racket you're making?" Orochimaru snapped at me, still rasping heavily.

"I don't care, just leave!" I snapped back, thoroughly miffed as of now, "Go! Leave! You're messing me up on Guitar Hero!"

"…Excuse me?" Orochimaru drawled. I fumbled with the plastic guitar while it made unpleasant screeching noises and, once successfully pausing the game, dropped it on the floor.

"Goddammit, you're annoying!" I yelled, "And you think I'm annoying!?"

"Well you're keeping me from some much needed rest." he sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"I'd really like the police to come right about now," I muttered. I glanced at the phone. Maybe…nah. Kelly would throw a fit. Not that that intimidated me much, growing up with her and all, but she'd probably take it out on my little plastic guitar. I could picture it now; her taking it and smashing it around, chucking it out the window or something like that. No. Calling the cops would be a bad idea.

"Well…what do you suppose we do?" Orochimaru glowered at me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You keep missing the blue button," Orochimaru pointed a finger at me, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"I know," I snapped, my eyes darting across the TV screen, "It's hard to go from red to blue. You try doing it."

"I will not engage in such childish activities."

"You're the one who won't stay upstairs by himself."

"There was a dog in there that wouldn't leave."

"…"

"…Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Shut up! You're making me lose!"

I would have thrown that guitar at him too if I hadn't heard the front door click open.


	47. Tune Into My World

**Tune Into My World**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I stood in the doorway and smirked. Orochimaru was lying on the couch, watching my sister play Guitar Hero.

"Well, well, well, just look at you two." I said.

I went over and kissed him. Kyra made a face.

"I'm glad you're back." He whispered.

He took my arm and pulled me into an embrace on the couch, so that we were snuggling together. This was too surreal.

_"Aw yeah, that's kinda nice."_ Baldwin said.

I flicked him away.

Kyra stood up and turned off the game.

"If you two are going to get all lovey-dovey I'm out." She said.

"I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump and grind." I called as she went upstairs.

"Ew!"

I laughed and snuggled closer to my love, the TV remote in my hand.

"You still have a fever dear." I said.

"Hrm…I do?" he mumbled.

I took note of Orochimaru's actions. I knew that my love was much sicker than what he would ever allow himself to admit. And the 103 degree fever really helped to cement the idea.

"Hey Ochi, why don't you go back to bed for a few hours. Dinner won't be ready for a while, so you can get some sleep."

Orochimaru, being his usual stubborn self, shook his head and didn't move.

"Dear, you've gotta get some sleep."

"Then I'll sleep here." He replied.

"Damn, you're a pain in the ass." I muttered under my breath and let out a sigh.

I continued flipping through channels, while he sat on my lap, half awake and only half paying attention to the shows that I was looking through. After several minutes, he looked up at the TV. Apparently, something on one of the channels had been of remote interest to him. Ochi, still looking half asleep, reached for the remote, which was still in my hand. I took no notice of my companion's actions until his hand came in contact with my own. I looked down at Ochi, confused as to what he was doing.

"Dear, there's no point in you taking the remote. You're just going to fall asleep again." I said as I gently moved my hand a little farther away from him.

"Well what was that you just passed?" he murmured back and moved closer, trying to get the remote.

"Ochi…" I smiled as he leaned forward, almost falling off my lap, trying to reach the remote. Seeing that he was going to fall sooner or later, I wrapped my arm around his waist to prevent him from falling.

"Kelly…" he half laughed as he leaned as far as he could with having my arm around his waist. The sannin leaned farther, as did I, and we both fell back onto couch, with me on my back and Orochimaru on top of me, still reaching for the remote. We both lay there for a few 

moments, Ochi still trying to get the remote from me, both of us laughing at our situation. I was an ordinary girl and he was the legendary snake sannin, and now we were play fighting over who got the remote. It was something so stupid and funny that we both couldn't help but laugh about it, and after several tries, I finally caved in.

"Okay, Ochi, you can have the remote, but only on one condition."

"Alright. What's that?" We both stopped fighting over the remote and looked at each other.

"If I give you the remote, then you've got to promise me that you'll get some sleep. Got it?"

"Hmm. As you wish." he murmured back as he took the remote from me and flipped back to the show he wanted to watch. After he found the channel he wanted, Discovery actually, fun, shark week was on. I slowly pushed myself up against the arm of the couch and leaned there as he settled himself against my chest, resting his head just underneath my collarbones. I pulled the blankets back over us and as I had predicted, Orochimaru fell asleep again within minutes of having switched the channel. He was still leaning against my chest, his face partially buried against my collarbones. Once I was sure that my love was completely asleep, I gently draped an arm around his waist and retrieved the remote again, continuing on my quest of trying to find something to watch that was partly worthwhile. Finally, after several minutes of searching, I found a new Family Guy and settled into the couch, gently kissing the top of the sannin's head before resting my head on his, perfectly comfortable and relaxed.

* * *

I love this part. You know what to do.


	48. WafflesEat up or Shut up

**Waffles/Eat or Shut Up**

We were lying on the couch and I noticed that he had one hand on his stomach.

"Tummy ache?" I asked.

"Mrmm…no." he mumbled, even though his grip on the organ tightened.

I knew he was lying. Thinking quickly, I kissed his lips to distract him while my hand wandered down to his abdomen, pressing on it and earning a slight hiss of displeasure from him.

"You do have a belly ache." I said, leaning down to kiss the area, my lips running over the smooth, pale skin.

"It's nothing." He murmured under my ministrations.

I lifted my head and rested my forhead against his, ensuring that we would see eye to eye.

"Have you eaten today?" I asked sweetly.

This wasn't the lovey-dovey type of sweet, this was a poisonous sweet. Like the poison dates in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Sweet with a touch of death for that little extra zing.

"I have not." He admitted at last.

I began to rub his belly, earning a pleasured smile from him.

"What should I get you?" I purred.

He was silent for a while, lost to the circles I was tracing on his stomach.

"Anything you want…on one condition."

"What's that?"

"I want you to feed me."

I looked at him quizzically.

"Fine then, how about waffles?"


	49. ForgivenYoung Love

**Forgiven/Young Love**

_"Ah love, it's wasted on the youth…"_Baldwin sighed whimsically.

_"You're just upset because you never got a chance with your leprosy."/i_ I replied.

"Kelly…"

I started, I had been staring into space again. (geeeeks innnnnn spaaaaace) Orochimaru had his arm around my shoulder and we were sitting on the couch in the living room. Why the living room and not the den? The living room was quieter and had better lighting. I like to be able to see.

"Yes dear?" I replied.

"Do you…can you, ever forgive me." He said.

I stared into his golden eyes, he was dead serious.

"For what?"

"For…everything. I didn't mean what I said that night, and all the time before. How I snapped at you, was rude and crass and doubting. Can you forgive me?"

I smiled and kissed him.

"When the Sex Pistols were asked to be inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame they sent them a very angry letter using a lot of rude words. The Hall of Fame told reporters that "if it was any other band, we would be offended." My dear, sweet Orochimaru, if it were anyone else who had snapped at me all those weeks ago, I would be sorely offended."

"I love you." He said.

"And I you." I replied as we fell into a kiss.


	50. Welcome BackWe Belong Together

**Welcome Back/ We Belong Together**

I had said goodbye to my sister, although in Earth time I would only be gone for a week at the most, and now Orochimaru and I were walking back to the hideout. I was eager to start my new, second life here.

"Love you so much." He said.

"I never get tired of hearing you say that." I said, leaning up to kiss him. "So," I asked after a little while, "do you think I could be a summoner?"

"I thought you had no chakra."

"Well, I might. There's a small chance. I've always wanted to be a pallas cat summoner."

"And what, pray tell, is a pallas cat?"

I started to explain to him what the eastern European cats looked like when we heard a crashing amongst the trees. Orochimaru whipped out a kunai and readied himself. I would have also, had I actually run away with my weapons. I was defenseless currently.

"Do not worry, I'll protect you." he whispered.

The crashing in the trees got louder and then, it all went dark. The last thing I remembered was hearing him yell my name and roar of flames.

* * *

Aren't I mean? Sorry it's so short I just had to get to the next part. Very exciting stuff.


	51. A Rival Appears!

**A Rival Appears!**

"ARRRRRGGGHHH!! Let me go you ass-wipes! You mother-&! whores!"

_"Yer father was a hamster and yer mother smelled of elderberries."_ Baldwin put his two cents in.

My hands and feet bound, but my mouth was not (obviously), and I was currently in some sort of sack, how cliché, being carried through the forest by someone much stronger and larger than myself. I was scared and mad, but mostly scared. If I were to make a list of all the people who wanted my boyfriend dead, I'd probably give up and start on the much shorter list of those who actually liked him. As this was going through my head, my captor set me down on what appeared to be a stone floor. The bag was ripped off me and I squinted at the bright light.

"You #&!" I swore at my blurry attacker.

Then, he began to come into focus and I only frowned harder. It was Kisame.

"What do you want fish-for-brains?" I snapped.

He grinned, and it was really creepy when he did that.

"We want you."

"No, really?" I asked sarcastically. "What exactly do you want from me? Because if this is to spite Orochimaru you've picked the wrong person to kidnap, he hates me, steal Kabuto instead." I lied.

Kisame only laughed.

"It's no use fooling us little girl, we know how he has…romanced you."

I smirked, ah well, can't say I didn't try.

"That's an awfully big word. Did Itachi teach you it?"

He glared at me.

"Stay here until he gets back." He snarled.

I smiled and settled back. Whatever was going on, it was going to be good.

* * *

It's a Monty Python reference. I seriously hope you all got that.


	52. Resistance is FutileSchemozzles

**Resistance is Futile/Schemozzles**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

_"Shit!"_ I inwardly cursed myself.

I should never have let her out of my sight. They had captured her, the Akatsuki. And now I was locked in a battle with that brat Itachi.

The battle had been going on for a while now, I had injured him and he in turn had injured me (although I liked to think I had wounded him worse). Now we were at a stand still, knives held by doppelgangers at our throats.

"Hurrg…what did you do to her?" I snarled.

I wanted nothing more than to strangle the very life out of the little bastard as he smirked.

"That is none of your concern now. The girl is ours."

"Like hell!" I snapped.

I would have moved but I knew he wouldn't hesitate to slice my throat as the very thought entered my head.

"Hmpf, and just what do you intend to do?" He asked.

I sneered, foolish question from a foolish boy.

"Make war, of course. I will see that every trace of you and your stinking organization is razed to the ground."

Art of substitution. I teleported into the highest branches of the nearest tree.

"The gauntlet has been thrown Uchia, and I am sure Pein will be not at all pleased with the news."

From there we went our separate directions and I thought to myself,

_"I'm coming for you, Kelly."_

* * *

aw


	53. Come with meAmuck

**Come With Me/Amuck**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

_"Psst! Kelly! Wake up!"_

_"What the f-k do you want Baldwin?"_ I mentally groaned.

I had finally managed to fall asleep on the cave floor. I sat up and noticed that someone had draped something over me. It was a cloak. I kicked it off.

"Ew, bad guy cooties." I muttered.

It was then that I heard the hushed whispers coming from the cave entrance.

"Let me see."

"I said get away."

"Oh come on, I was able to track you by the very sight of your blood all over the forest floor."

"Just go away."

I heard the flapping of wings and a moment later Itachi walked, or should I say limped, in, his arm wrapped around his side.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"It's none of your concern."

"Who were you talking to?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"I would too understand if it was yellow and had a habit of stealing your underpants."

"…You know this creature?"

"You could say that."

_"Griffin and Itachi sittin' in at tree K-I-S-S…"_ Baldwin sang.

I left Baldwin to his singing and watched Itachi begin to care for his own wounds. Pfft, like I'd ever help him.

"So, what the hell do you freaks want with me?" I asked.

"You'll find out when we get to the others."

"You really can't tell me?"

He stared at me with those creepy red eyes of his.

"Why don't you take a picture?" I snapped after a while.

He gave a small grunt and returned to binding his injury. I got some small consolation from seeing how badly my love had wounded him.

_"Ochi, my darling, you'd better be comin' after me."_


	54. Band of BrothersAngry Men

**Band of Brothers/Angry Men**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

"I am going ANNIHILATE that Uchia brat!" I roared.

"What happened?"

I was stalking through the halls of the complex, holding my bleeding shoulder as Kabuto trailed after me.

"At least let me treat you!" He shouted to me.

I huffed and turned to face him.

"Fine, get this over with." I snarled.

He showed no hesitation, no fear, and simply did as I asked. I felt the healing chakra flow through my body and the torn flesh knit itself back together. When he had finished, I inspected the area where the wound had once been, as if unsure if the treatment I had know for so long had worked. I smiled, she really had changed me.

"Kelly has been captured by that brat Itachi and the Akatsuki, I'm going after them." I said as I turned to leave.

"What?!" Kabuto shouted as he began to follow me once more. "My lord surely you can't mean to track her down like this!"

I growled and glared at him.

"You think a mere flesh wound, which you healed, would incapacitate me?!"

Kabuto sighed and fiddled with his glasses.

"No, I mean that you are one against nine. Even if you are one of the legendary Sannin they would be much too powerful to face alone. Please, allow me to contact our allies and form a recon team. It shouldn't take more than a day."

I breathed deeply and gave a small smirk.

"Of course, I wasn't thinking clearly. You are correct, Kabuto, that would be the wiser plan. Begin by tracking down the Sound Four. I will be in my quarters."


	55. Closed DoorsDanger Ahead

**Closed Doors /Danger Ahead**

**  
**(Kelly's P.O.V.)

"Why do we have to walk e-ver-y-where??" I whined.

I hated walking; I would kill for a horse right about now. At least FMA had horses, hell, they had CARS.

_"And trains."_ Baldwin pointed out.

So, since I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do, I was making life hell on earth for all those within earshot.

"I'm tired. Are we there yet? Are you going to kill me?"

"If you don't shut up I just might." Kisame growled, fingering his sword.

"No," Itachi replied, "remember what we need her for."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to piss off the leader. What was his name again…?"

"We are here." Itachi said suddenly.

We stopped walking and I looked up, my jaw dropped. We were standing in front of a huge stone door in the wall of a cliff.

"Home sweet home." Kisame chuckled as the door rumbled open.


	56. Darkness

**Darkness**

"Holy crap! I can't see shit in here!!" I spat as we entered the pitch black cave.

Itachi pushed me into what I supposed was the center of the room.

"Keep your hands offa me shorty!" I snapped; short being a relative term that is.

Suddenly, the lights came on. And they were bright.

"Hey! Well if you were going to blind me you might as well have kept the place dark."

"You are…Kelly?" someone said.

I looked up, red hair…piercings…kinda looks like Johnny Rotten…

"Pein, right?" I said, gesturing with my thumb and index fingers. "What the hell do you guys want from me?"

"I should think it's obvious, we want your demon spirit."


	57. DemonsGhosts

**Demon/Ghosts**

"Demon spirit…" I mumbled, "Oh! You think I'm one of those…Jin…chu….lime Ricky's!"

"Jinnchuriki." Pein supplied.

"That's what I said." Then I started laughing, "Oh gods…so that's what this is about! Ha, haaaa! Heh, heh, heh."

"What's so funny girl?" Kisame snapped.

"Shut up Nemo." I turned to Pein. "I'm not a Jinnchuriki. This thing in my head, it's a ghost. His name is Baldwin and he's eight-hundred years old. You can have him if you want though, he's nuisance."

_"Hey!"_

On second thought…

"Actually, no, that might kill me." I added.

They were silent for a while. Then they went to 'huddle'. I strained my ears trying to pick out what they were saying about me but to no avail. At long las, they returned.

"Do not think you are free yet girl." Pein said, "You are still of use to us. Orochimaru is our biggest threat thus far and with you as a hostage, we can lure him here and deal with him once and for all."

Oh shit, I was bait now. I could only hope my love didn't come alone.


	58. Portraits of Villiany

This is, in my opinion, one of the best chapters I've ever written. Enjoy my masterpiece.

* * *

**Portraits of Villainy**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

So it was decided that the other members of Organization XIII…I mean the Akatsuki…would take turns watching me. So, in light of having nothing better to do, I watched them back.

**Deidara**

_"Holy cow! It's a guy!"_ Baldwin exclaimed.

She…I mean he…didn't exactly get off to a good start. Firstly, I wouldn't shake his hand and then I quietly started singing 'Dude Looks Like a Lady'. He stomped off, shouting for Sasori to take over.

**Sasori**

There are three universally creepy things: Clowns, dolls and puppets.

"This shrimp is creepy puppet guy?!" I shouted to Itachi, who was ignoring me.

I had never seen his real form. (Hadn't gotten to that book yet I suppose) He was short.

I also had a bit of a grudge against him, seeing as he had poisoned my boyfriend after being his partner in this stupid cult for so many years. I mentioned this to him and the little punk recounted his fight with Orochimaru in great detail. I cursed at him and stood up to fight him but Zetsu was at my side in an instant.

"Come back here! I'll murder you!" I snarled.

_"Oh, yeah, he's totally gonna come back now."_ Baldwin said sarcastically.

"Shut up B." I muttered.

**Zetsu**

Andre III fell asleep while watching me. Not enough photosynthesis I supposed. I spent the next half hour trying to toss rocks into that plant head of his. When he woke up I asked him if he was a reject for the Super Mario Piranha plants. He didn't answer.

**Kisame**

Flounder was up next. We had already become 'acquainted' on the way here. I watched him fiddle with the wrappings on his sword and give one of those creepy grins before I said:

"So what happened Shark-boy, did Lava-girl dump you?" I sneered.

Well, it got him to stop smiling.

**Itachi**

Another one I had gotten acquainted to on the trip to…here.

"Hello tall-dark-and-screwed-up-in-the-head." I said.

He didn't seem to notice.

"You know, you're kinda like Ghandi in that you try to seek nonviolent solutions now…but what about back in your village? There was a lot of blood."

He looked slightly curious about my statement but didn't question me. I tried to look into his eyes but he shut them and lay back. I think he was the only one here who didn't snore.

**Hidan**

He came to me covered in blood. When he noticed how unflinching I was at the sight, he stared curiously.

"Aren't you frightened of all this blood?" He asked his voice silky.

"My boyfriend regularly comes home covered in the stuff. And then…" I leaned in closer, "And then, we take a hot shower, together."

"Would you…care to try that with me?"

I smiled and leaned even closer so our noses were almost touching.

"….No."

After exchanging several rude words to each other which the internet will not allow me repeat, I heard this conversation:

"I like her!" Hidan exclaimed.

"I can see why, you two are very much alike." Kisame replied.

"It's not that! She's fucking hot! I can see why old snakey chose her!"

But despite all this…I think he was the one I liked the most.

**Kakuzu**

When he first approached me I eyed the stitching that ran across his jaw. Who the hell was this guy trying to be? Heath Ledger?

"Ah look who it is. It's the body snatcher." I smirked.

He didn't looked miffed at me, actually, he looked intrigued.

"So tell me, why the hell do you love that snakey freak?"

I slapped him, hard.

"He's a hell of a lot sweeter than you and let's not even get into looks." I snarled.

He was rubbing the spot where I had hit him.

"I hope you get a fucking arrhythmia." I snarled.

I was getting cranky, time for some fresh air.

**Tobi**

While out getting some fresh air I met the one, the only, Tobi. What can I say about our mentally challenged friend?

He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

After meeting him, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.

The inbreeding is certainly obvious in his family.

He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.

He'd take over the world but he keeps being distracted by shiny things.

There really is no vaccine against stupidity.

I don't know what his problem is...but I'm going to bet it's really hard to pronounce...

I mean, how many times DID his parents drop him as a baby?

Is his always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

Did he eat paint chips when he was a kid?

Learn from his parents' mistakes - use birth control!

The closest he'll ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.

Thinking really isn't his strong suit.

And yet…he's the one I got along with the best.

**Konan**

Resisting the urge to call her 'Konan the Barbarian' I saw her talking with the leader, Pein, who said he'd take over next. Fun. She didn't say much, but showed me some of her origami jutsu. In all, she was nice but…I can't stand quiet people. Not like I'd ever say that out loud though.

**Pein**

The Johnny Rotten wannabe was as much fun as I thought he'd be. Which isn't saying much. I was going to speak to him like Yoda (because Baldwin dared me to) but suddenly, I heard Kisame call out to him and he left. Naturally, I followed to investigate.


	59. Burning Memories

**B****urning Memories**

(Ochi's P.O.V.)

_The sun was shining brightly, engulfing us in its warmth as we snuggled on the couch. She giggled and kissed me. Her kisses were like velvet, and she fit so comfortably against my body that I swear she was made for me. I nuzzled myself into the crook of her shoulder, breathing in her scent. That calming scent with no name except…_

"Kelly."

My eyes snapped open. It took me a moment to realize that I was in Otogakure and I had actually spoken her name aloud. Wearily, I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. I knew it would be impossible for me to get back to sleep this night. I got out of bed and donned my robe before heading to the kitchen to prepare some tea.

"You're supposed to be in bed."

I turned sharply, searching for the source of the noise. Then, I saw a small shape emerge from the shadows.

"But then again, my creator did say you were stubborn."

It was that little yellow creature, Griffin.

"How did you get in here?" I snarled.

"Back door."

"…" I was not amused.

Evidently though, the creature was as it giggled before continuing.

"No, no, j.k., I'm actually quite stealthy…and Kelly told me where all of your booby traps are." It suppressed another giggle.

"Very well then," I made a note to change the locks, "then why are you here."

"For the obvious reason: I want to get my creator back. I can help you."

"I don't think---"

In almost a blink the strange animal had whipped out a shiruken and implanted it in the wall next to me.

"I can fight, if that's what you're not thinking about. And I'm stealthy, as you can see or I wouldn't have made it this far. Even if Kelly told me about the traps I still got all the way to the damn kitchen. And frankly, I'm surprised you even have one."

I stood, and I stared, contemplating all it had just told me. With a heavy sigh, I relented.

"If you truly are Kelly's creation, you'll be a quick witted as she is. Be here tomorrow at sunrise, then we'll see."


	60. DeceptionMask of Innocence

**Deception/Mask of Innocence**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I crept around the corner, trying my hardest to remember all my love had taught me about 'fox walking'. Then, I heard it. A cry of pain tore through the cavern we were hiding out in and I could hear the Akatsuki talking.

"What's he done now?" That was man-lady Deidara.

"Shut up." Said fish-boy Kisame.

"Let me see them…" That was Pein, sounding…kind?

I crept closer just in time to nearly have my eardrums shattered by another gut-wrenching scream.

"I'd like a little silence when I'm praying goddamnit!" That must be Hidan.

"Pfft, if you can call that blood orgy a prayer!" That was Kakuzu.

"You leave Jashin-samma out of this!"

_"If you love him so much why don't you marry him?!"_ Baldwin called out.

_"He can't hear you Baldwin."_

I couldn't take it any longer, my curiosity got the better of me and the yelling…well, loud noises anger me. And you won't like it when I'm angry. Mustering up all the bravado I could I swaggered out to meet them.

"Yo, what's all the co-mo-mo?"

My sis and I made that up, a perversion of the word commotion. But instead of the usual curious looks I got a few hard stares and one flirtatious one. That one was from Hidan.

"It's none of your concern…" Zetsu started to say.

But Pein had already strode across the room and grabbed my hand.

"Leggo!" I shouted, lashing out with my foot.

I overshot his groin and landed a kick right above his hips.

_"How the hell do you overshoot a kick like that?"_ Baldwin exasperated.

"Oh shut up B." I mumbled.

In my defense, it was a difficult angle I was on. Pein didn't even flinch as he deposited me beside a mat, upon which was none other than Uchia Itachi. And he looked hurt. Not that I cared, it was the same deal as back in the (other) cave. I didn't care one ounce beyond what my empath powers dictated.

"As you can see," Pein began, "one of our own is injured. You are going to make yourself useful and heal him."

I frowned.

"And what if I refuse?" I asked.

"I will kill you."

"HA!" I barked so loud that if echoed. "I know you won't do that! I'm much too valuable to be bumped off! So try again you fricken horcrux!"

Seeing as I was on a roll, I got up and stormed off.

"You want I should go after her?" Hidan said as he licked some blood off of his fingers.

"No," Pein replied, "She will come to her senses soon enough."

"News flash freaks! I can still freakin' hear you!!!" I shouted.


	61. ItachiProtege

**Itachi/Protégé**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I awoke with a moan sometime in the night. I had been having the most wonderful dream about Ochi and me. We were lying together in a field somewhere, the warm sun shining down on us as we kissed. But all that happiness had been disturbed by a loud, pained groan. I grumbled a few choice, four-letter words and stalked towards the noise. But when I got there, I lost all the will to pummel the noise maker into dirt.

It was Itachi.

I'm a huge hypocrite. I say and do things very loudly but, when no one's looking, I tend to do the opposite. I mean, he had kidnapped me and…and…actually, all he did was kidnap me, probably on Pein's orders. So that was probably the reason why I was sitting down next to him, trying to get a look at how badly his eyes were damaged.

"Hey." I said, sitting down next to the mat he was lying on.

"What do you want?" He grunted.

"To at least get you to stop moaning and groaning. Some of us are trying to sleep." I teased.

If he recognized sarcasm, he didn't show it. Come to think of it, the guy's got a permanent poker-face on.

Before he could even speak, I had lifted up the wet cloth that covered his eyes. He hissed in pain.

"Easy buddy, I just need a little look-see."

He opened his eyes again and all of a sudden, I was hit by a major flashback. I was seeing him as a teenager, back when he ran with the ANBU, with that adorable smile on his face. I shook my head and when I opened my eyes again, there he was, his normal, grumpy-ass self. I noticed that he had retracted the sharingan. It must have been too painful for him to keep it on. I put the cloth back and looked around. There were the remnants of a small fire, some clean cloths and bowl of cold water. I would need more than that to shut him up for the night.

"What's going on?"

I turned, it was Konan. Perfect.

"It's weasel boy here. His eyes are acting up and he's keeping me awake." They all say he's a weasel. But if he really was, I'd be able to drop kick him. "Do you know what aloe looks like?"

She nodded, good, less work for me.

"Excellent, I'm going to need a bunch and fast."

She nodded again and headed out the cave. I began to try and tune in with the empath energies for a temporary fix while she was out getting me my plants. I began playing with the energies around his eyes when I noticed something strange.

"That's weird." I muttered.

"What is?" He asked, his voice sounding hoarse.

"It's like…a barrier…I can't get the energy to do what I want, it keeps bouncing back."

He sighed harshly.

"My ki points are backed up. Probably from that fight. I'll be fine by tomorrow." He seemed to be angry with himself. Luckily, I had a lot of experience with those types of men.

It was then that Konan came back with my aloe. I gave my thanks and began grinding up the leaves in a mortar. But as I did, I couldn't help but think back to what I had seen.

_"Don't tell me you're falling for him."_ Baldwin scoffed.

_"Hell no! I just…can't help but think that he wasn't always like this…"_

_"Humans aren't born evil. You yourself say that every day."_

"It's true." I muttered.

"What's true?" He asked.

I started, almost dropping the juice from the aloe.

"The fact that…" I began soaking the cloth in a mixture of water and aloe juice. "you weren't always a murderous psychopath."

"…"

"I know, harsh reality but that's how most see you."

"I know that."

"Then what?"

"…You're right. I just don't see your dilemma."

I plopped the washcloth back over his eyes.

"As of late you can't see period."

He gave a slight chuckle.

"I've made my bed and I'm going to lie in it. My choices are my own."

I watched as his breathing slowly evened out and he fell into a light sleep. But I continued to sit there for a while, watching him. Wondering what life might have been like had he not committed the crimes he had.

_"Here lies the body of Old Mary Lynn, twas the stress that did her in"_ Baldwin recited.

I nodded.

"Not bad B. Very relative."

* * *

Real life epitaph: I was somebody/who is/no business of yours

I want that on my tombstone.


	62. MissonWe are at War

**Mission/We Are At War**

(Horribly random 3rd person chapter)

It was an unusually cold and misty morning in the forests of Otogakure as both the Sound Four and select group of others gathered outside. Little did they know though, as they sat discussing the mission at hand, what was watching them.

"Spider man, spider man, does whatever a spider can. Can he swing, from a web? Sure he can becaaaaause he is a spider man!"

Everyone looked up just in time to see a bird-like creature crash down on top of Kidomaru.

"What the hell?!" He shouted, all six of his arms flailing as he tried to dislodge the creature from his back.

Griffin laughed and leapt off of him, somersaulting in the air before landing on Tayuya.

"Aaaand it's Tayuya! The mystical musician whose magical flute conjures demons most foul!"

"Get this freakin' thing offa me!" She screamed.

Griffin did a back flip and landed on Sakon and Ukon.

"Steeeeep riiiight up here folks and getta load of this world's only Siamese twins!"

"Get it!" They shouted, trying to lash out.

But griffin was too quick for them, she fluttered out of reach and settled next on Jirobo.

"Don't get me mad. You won't like me when I'm mad…" she muttered darkly.

"That's enough Griffin." Someone said calmly.

Griffin did a magnificent leap off of Jirobu and landed, doing a sort of twirl before facing the snake Lord and bowing. But her big grin faded as she felt the glaring daggers of the Sound Four at her back.

"As much as we all would like to," Orochimaru informed them, "This creature is property of the one we wish to find; therefore, we cannot kill her."

Someone had sheathed their sword.

"Too bad. She'd make a nice throw rug."

Griffin squawked in indignation and hovered a bit off the ground to find the perpetrators. It was a young, silver haired man with a very large, very familiar, sword strapped to his back. Griffin gave a scream of rage and shot at him.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" she shrieked.

Suigetsu barely had time to react as she ripped the sword from his back and took to the skies with it, ramming it into a tree and perching upon the hilt, far from their immediate reach.

"You miserable runt! Give me my sword!" Suigetsu shouted.

Griffin stuck out her tongue with a 'Nyah'.

Still calm, cool and collected, Orochimaru approached the tree and stared up at her.

"You are wasting valuable time Griffin. Either hand over the sword or explain why you took it in the first place."

Griffin sat up on her haunches, fire gleaming in her eyes.

"This sword belonged to Zabuza Momochi! He died a hero's death and that man," She pointed accusingly at Suigetsu, "Had no right taking it from his grave! You don't steal from dead people because they can't defend themselves! Either you put this back where you got it or I'll do it myself you little thief!!!"

Orochimaru sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes.

"Suigetsu, go retrieve another one of your weapons while I deal with her." He said.

Suigetsu nodded and walked off, but not before shooting a particularly nasty glare in Griffin's direction. She returned it with twice the force.

"Now, would you please get down from there?" Orochimaru asked.

Griffin smiled.

"Well, since you asked so nicely!"

She fluttered down, but conveniently left the sword stuck in the tree.

"That," she said, "stays there until we get back. Got it memorized?"

Orochimaru looked like he was about to question her about something, but decided against it.

A few moments later, Suigetsu returned with another sword in place of Zabuza's strapped to his back.

"Very well," Orochimaru said, "let us begin."

* * *

I hate the third person chapters, they aren't' consistent. But I had to do it like this, it was the only way it worked. Griffin respected Zabuza because of who he was in the end. That's why she went ballistic on Suigetsu.

The joke with Tayuya is from Robot Chicken where they did 'A very Dragon Ball Z Xmas' and had the little drummer boy whose magical drum conjures demons most foul. I lol every time I watch that.

Also, I hope I don't have to tell you where "Got it memorized?" is from. And I'm actually not a Kingdom Hearts fan. Disney and Final Fantasy just...turns me off.

I'll have more chapters up soon. So enjoy these two for now and sorry they're so short.

While you're waiting, check out my other fanfiction going on right now: The Living Blade Alchemist in the Fullmetal Alchemist section.


	63. Melodramatic

**Melodramatic**

_Slash, hack, stab, slash, slash_

I can be unnoticed when I want to be, blend in with the crowd or my surroundings. I'm better at the surroundings part actually. And that's what I was doing right now, blending into the wall of Hidan's little ritual area. I watched with keen interest as over and over again he impaled himself with blades of all types, favoring a particularly large kunai. I watched as the blood began to pool around him and the symbol drawn on the floor. I couldn't resist one little cat call.

"Do seppuku, go for your gut!"

His head snapped up and he growled.

"What the fucking hell are you doing here?!" He shouted.

I smiled brightly.

"Just hangin'."

He tore the kunai out of his leg and rammed it into his heart.

"Get the fuck out!"

"I would but, this is too fucking hot to leave alone." I replied.

He looked at me again, this time, confused.

"Wait…what―really?"

"Oh yeah. I'm a certified sadomasochist. Orochimaru is too so I guess that's why there's so much dominance foreplay in the bedroom."

I smirked as his nose began to bleed all over the floor. He didn't seem to care. More blood for his god. I hopped down and approached.

"Don't step in the circle." He warned.

"Yeah I know the drill." I said, taking a seat on the floor and watching him stab himself again, this time it was the other leg. "So what's this Jashin look like? Is he a snake with feathers? Or a man white as lime. And I only say lime because they didn't have snow."

"Who the hell are 'they'?" Hidan asked as he continued his ritual.

"The Aztecs and Mayan. A very similar group of people that once inhabited a part of my world called Central America. They did blood rituals too. Self-mutilation and human sacrifice. They would rip the hearts out of their victims and sacrifice them to the feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl, also known as Kukulkan in the northern regions. So that's why I'm asking."

Hidan grunted and stabbed himself in the chest one more time before falling down on the floor to rest.

"That's…interesting…" he panted.

Just then, the door flew open with a bang.

"Hidan! How many times did I tell you not to do that stupid ritual for your stupid god here? You know how much it costs to clean this shit?!"Kakuzu yelled.

"Oh my fucking GOD! Do you people not understand the meaning of PRIVACY?!?!?!"Hidan yelled from his position on the floor.

"Would this be a good time for me to leave?" I asked, mustering up the last of my innocence.

Kakuzu didn't reply and kicked his partner in the side.

"OW! What the fuck was that?!" Hidan snapped.

"It'll be your balls next. Leader's got a mission for us jackass. Now get up."

I snickered. Ah the drama. I think I was actually beginning to like it here.

* * *

  
A belated thanks to everyone for giving me over 100 reviews.


	64. Searching

**Searching**

(Another, 3rd person chapter ;_; this is how I'll do these chapters for Griffin from now on.)

Three ANBU, looking fresh from a mission, stood outside the tea house, idly chatting away. Suigetsu had been lucky that it had rained that morning; he couldn't risk fooling the highly skilled assassins otherwise. It comes in quite handy to be able to turn into a puddle at times.

"Psst! Puddle-boy! Over here!" someone whispered none too quietly.

The puddle rippled and Suigetsu looked up, Griffin was on the roof of the building. She rolled her eyes when she saw his compromising situation and jumped, landing on top of him and splashing the ANBU with water from the surrounding puddles.

"Sorry." Griffin said sheepishly, trying to indicate her Konoha headband.

Once the ANBU had left, Suigetsu resumed his human form.

"You jumped on me!"

"Well you were surrounded aquaman." Griffin was still pissed about the whole sword incident. And when Griffin decides she doesn't like someone, it stays that way.

"I was hunting for information!" Suigetsu retorted.

"Well too bad because I've already got some ANBU info." She indicated in the direction of the retreating ANBU. "Those guys and I had a little talk earlier down at the ramen place. Apparently there have been numerous bandit sightings in this part of the country recently. But what's more, a few of the wanted bandits have been found dead. One of them had this symbol around his body." She drew an upside-down triangle in a circle in the dirt. "You seen this before?"

Suigetsu shook his head.

"No, we should show Lord Orochimaru. He should know."

They began walking back into the forest where they had made camp. But into the middle of their walk, Griffin stopped.

"Hold up." She said.

Suigetsu looked around, thinking the ANBU were following them. But Griffin looked up and raised her palm to the sky. With a deafening roar a burst of air shot from her palm and up into the trees, moments later a branch came crashing down, sliced from it's hold.

"What the hell was that?!" Suigetsu shouted.

"My dinner." Griffin said, pulling a slightly squished squirrel out of the pine nettles. "And my magic. The wind blades."

"Your jutsu you mean."

Griffin shook her head.

"No, I mean my magic. Where I come from is world called Karma where magic reigns supreme. This world and me was created by a god named Cahuitl, but all this was created by Kelly, like your world was created by Masashi Kishimoto. I just happen to be lucky to have met my supreme creator. Now, my magic, like your chakra, flows through my blood. But a long time ago it flowed through the earth and in order to siphon it and use it, we had to make symbols. We employed a system of runes to do this but I have seen many others ways in many other worlds. My sister Cali's, for example, calls it alchemy and they make circles and symbols on the ground like we used to. Your world calls the magic energy chakra and you make hand signs to use this energy."

"So that was…"

"A magic spell I call the wind blades. A simple but effective tool. Now, this squirrel isn't going to roast itself!"

Actually, it could have. Griffin had also proven herself quite capable of using fire magic as well as wind, which she explained was a type of magical element all the people in her world could use regardless of their base type.

"A base type," she went on to explain, "Is what we are all assigned at birth. Fire, earth, water, lightning and darkness. In exchange for giving up runes in favor of being able to call magic by will alone, we lost the ability to take command of all the elements at once. Now we have types and I'm a fire type." She took a bite of the roast squirrel. "Tastes like chicken. Now, have you seen that symbol or what?"

Orochimaru was studying the symbol she had drawn in the dirt.

"Yes I have, this is the symbol of Jashin a 'god', if you will."

"You don't have gods here, I was told." Griffin said with a glare.

"Not ones who speak constantly, as yours do, but 'gods' who are enigmas who only wished to be worshiped."

"Like…how?" Suigetsu asked.

"Through blood and human sacrifice. Anything less is considered as sin to them." He smiled.

"What 'choo smiling about?" Griffin asked.

"One of the members of the Akatsuki is a member of this cult. If the ANBU in the village have seen him, or this mark, it means we are close."

* * *

Squirrel, anyone? I had a whole fight scene planned out with these two and the ANBU but then I realized…I actually don't know any of Suigetsu's moves. Except for turning into a puddle and that's not too useful in a ninja battle. I will, eventually, have a full scale ninja battle.

Griffin is from the magical world of Karma, a world of my own creation in an original fantasy series I am working on. Cali is Griffin's sister and she can be found in The Living Blade Alchemist in the Fullmetal Alchemist section. Give her a look, it's a good story from yours truly. :)


	65. Demon on my Shoulder

**Demon On My Shoulder/And Be Sure to Say Please**

"Johnnnn Jacob Jingle-Heimer-Schmit! His name is my name tooooo! Oh when we go out, the people always shout, there goes Johnnnn Jacob Jingle-Heimer-Schmit! Dun-na-na-na-na- nanaaaaa HEY!"

"Are you done yet?"

I looked up from my position on the floor. It was Deidara.

"I wasn't aware I had attracted an audience. Let me do an encore: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall---"

"We need your help, again. Hidan's gotten himself messed up."

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Look you mud-pie-makin'-transvestite, the only reason I helped Itachi was because he was Hidan's hurt?" I asked.

"Yes he is and we need you to help him."

Before I could protest he/she grabbed my hand and yanked me out of the room.

"Awww here it goes!" I shouted.

(Please, pleaaaasssseeeeee let one of you get this!")

* * *

Ofmg I am soooo sorry I screwed up on this.

I also hope you kids get the last joke here.


	66. Backfire

**Backfire/My Mission Ends Here, Incomplete and In Failure**

I sauntered into the room and found Hidan curled up on a bed, groaning an cursing. Kakuzu was in the corner doing something with numbers. Another reason I didn't like him, I failed math.

"What'd you do this time sewer-breath." I said.

"Oh that's a real nice way to talk to someone in pain ass-hole." Hidan growled.

I twitched. I may not look like it, but I can swear a blue streak when I want to. Plus, a swearing priest is something I'd enter a church for. So that means a lot.

"What the hell did you do to yourself you self-flagellating freak-of-the-week-on-wheels." I spat.

I got a few blinks for that one. Without looking up, Kakuzu filled me in.

"We had a run in with a few ANBU ops and the 'freak' made a big show of doing them in. Then he had to do his stupid little ritual and he collapsed from exhaustion half-way through. He says his god's punishing him."

"Oh shut the fuck up Kakuzu." Hidan groaned.

Kakuzu snorted in indignation but said nothing else. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm not a medical ninja boys, I'm an ordinary girl with a teeny tiny bit of knowledge on medicinal herbs. I can't fix this if it's spiritual."

"Just give him something to shut him up. I don't care what it is." Kakuzu said absently as he made a few more calculations.

_"Shut him up eh?"_ Baldwin cackled.

_"For the last time B, I don't have any weed in there."_

_"I was talking about the foxglove."_

_"That'll actually make him worse. He can't die remember?"_

"Fine, I'll see what I can do…" I said.

I stuck my head out the door and yelled for Konan.

"Hey," I said, "I need a few things. Do you…heh, have a piece of paper?"

She gave me a strange look and handed me one and a pen.

"Thanks," I smiled.

Peppermint

Ginger

Smart Weed

Aletris

"Know what those are?"

She nodded.

"Excellent. I'll be here waiting." I said happily as I sent her off.


	67. Frailty, thy name is Woman

**Frailty, thy name is Woman!**

I hate Shakespeare, personally.

I sat up in bed; I must have fallen asleep waiting for Konan to come back with the ingredients. I was wondering what must have woken me when I heard a most god awful sound. Retching. I groaned and got up. Hidan was leaning over the side of his bed, vomiting. I approached him to help and almost immediately retreated back. It was blood.

"Nrrg…J-Jashin…I'm…s-sorry…" he moaned as he retched again before collapsing back on the bed.

I quickly managed to collect myself and found that, indeed, Konan had retrieved the herbs and they were by my bed along with the various things I would need to make the medicine. I was beginning to think that she knew more about herbal remedies than she let on. Not that she let on about much, she was like a mime only still. I mean, the only person I had seen her talk to was Pein and he's technically 1/6th of a person.

But getting back to the story, I began brewing some tea for the smart weed and peppermint and started mashing up the ginger and aletris. All of these things helped with gastrointestinal problems but the aletris also had some effect on helping blood clot. Lucky me.

When I had finished I brought the paste over to him.

"Get the hell away from me…" He groaned.

I frowned.

"I have something that'll help." I said.

"I don't want any of that herbal shit." He growled. "Jashin's punishing me…"

I scowled; I wasn't in the mood to play games with him.

"Listen you...man whore! You're bleeding from your goddamn stomach and god knows where else and the only reason they haven't started digging your goddamn grave is me. So stop talking bullshit and let me heal you, or I'll just leave you to fucking dry up like jerky! Got it?! And I'm allergic to jerky!!!"

There was a fury in my voice that I hadn't even imagined could come from lil' ol' me. And Hidan, well he thought that was fucking AWESOME.

"D-did you just cuss me out?" He said.

"Yeah I did. Got a problem with that too?" I snarled, preparing to shove the ginger paste down his throat.

"Seriously, I think I'm in love." He said.

I twitched and hit him on the head.

"Shaddup."

I turned and went back to brewing the tea. When he had swallowed the ginger he looked at me.

"Did you ever do this for him, Orochimaru I mean." He asked.

I startled and blushed.

"Well, yes but only because he was…too ill…"

"I hear that's your turn on."

"Ach! Rrrg…how's your stomach feeling?"I asked, eager to change the subject.

"Better. Much better." He mumbled before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Ah, it's fun getting to curse so much while writing for him. I love a good character challenge, like writing for Kimblee when I work on Sapphire's Redemption (a companion piece to The Living Blade Alchemist) he's sooo much fun to work with.


	68. AntisocialHikikomori

**Antisocial/Hikikomori**

"Not friends with the others 'eh?"

Orochimaru turned, still displaying the flawless grace that marked him as one of the prodigal three.

"They can take care of themselves." He said, keeping his voice low.

Griffin shrugged and sat down next to the fire, igniting it more by using her magic.

"I don't really need an excuse. I was just makin' a statement." She said as she poofed her feathers out and snuggled down, looking very content and warm.

Orochimaru stared at the strange creature who, until recently, was responsible for the theft of several articles of his clothing. And he really couldn't resist asking:

"How's Tsunade?"

He knew, from the information Kelly had given him, that by this time she had been elected as the new Hokage of Konohagakure.

"She's fine, although not as much fun as Old Man Third was. The other day, I had some gum and I threw it out the window and it hit Neji. She told me not to do it again and Third, well he woulda' congratulated me on my aim." She looked at him quizzically, as if gauging his reaction to the mention of a man he himself had murdered not too long ago. But she soon sighed and huddled back down.

"So, you live in Konoha." Orochimaru said, trying to steer the conversation in another direction.

"Yeah, my residence is right over the portrait of the Fourth Hokage. Always has been. My kind comes from the Horncliffs area of the island of Switchton so living on top of your Mt. Rushmore is just like home."

Orochimaru smiled, he still had some fond memories of the place he used to call home too.

* * *

That's going to be a comic one day. One day...


	69. GreedAt What Cost?

**Greed/At What Cost**

(a.k.a. the one where Griffin gives a big speech in the interest of promoting my original fantasy novel)

"Zzzzzzz…." Griffin was fast asleep in the branch of a great tree, that is until…

"Wake up!"

"Zzzz---snk!" Griffin toppled off the branch and landed on her head. She growled at Suigetsu's shoes. "Sword-stealing jackass…" She muttered, "whaddya want 'eh?"

"Lord Orochimaru wants us to scout the area we presume to be the lair of the Akatsuki."

From the information gathered in various nearby villages and towns, the Otogakure recon team had managed to determine, within a fifty-mile radius, the best educated guess of the location of the Akatsuki and Kelly. Suigetsu, with his puddle forming abilities, had been paired up with Griffin and her surprisingly stealthy ways and flight capabilities to scout the area.

"Fine, twit, let's go."

Later…

_Hack, slash, hack, slash…FWOOSH!!!_

Griffin smiled at the hole she had just burned through the underbrush. But her smile quickly faded when she heard her 'partner' yawn.

"Let's rest." He said lazily.

Griffin pouted.

"The one who got me up at the ass-crack of dawn wants to take a break?" she snapped.

But Suigetsu was already stretching out under a tree. Griffin sighed and flopped down, pulling a piece of fruit from a pouch around her waist. As she ate, she eyed Suigetsu intensely. He couldn't ignore the feeling of eyes on him and opened his own.

"What?" he asked sharply.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Griffin sighed.

"Before this turns into a remake of 'Who's on First', why did you take Zabuza's sword?"

Suigetsu snorted.

"Are you really that pissed about it? From what I hear he was an assassin for hire."

CLUNK!

And apple core ricocheted off Suigetsu's head.

"He was a man who did what he had to do to ensure the survival of both himself and boy he took care of. He died from wounds received after killing the very man he worked for, the man who was the truly evil one."

Suigetsu stared calculatingly at her. After a while he spoke up.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

_"Not this again."_ he growled mentally. "I mean, why are you so attached to him? Why do you care? From the looks of your headband he ought to have been your enemy so why do you protect his memory like this?"

Griffin ran a claw across her headband and smiled.

"Because it's my purpose. I am a disciple of Manauia, the protector god of my people."

"Manauia? Gods? What exactly goes on in your world?" Suigetsu asked, strangely intrigued.

"Several thousand things each day, just as yours and Kelly's and the countless other worlds out there; but what i_I_/i am, is a traveler, a being chosen by the Gods of Karma to help others in worlds across the endless universe."

The sword collector stared; he hadn't expected the fluffy, bouncy, annoying creature to be so eloquent.

"So far there have only been travelers of the griffin race; my two sisters Cali and Sapphire, a boy Zackary who is mates with Cali, and Rikku the lost."

"The lost?" Suigestu said, nonplussed.

"Legend tells that she was sent to a remnant world and never returned. That or she decided to stay for whatever reason."

"Remnant?"

"When a new world is created the bridge that links it between other similar worlds often becomes its own, displaying properties of several related worlds that it connects. They cannot be reached easily and the gods aren't too interested in them anymore, not since Rikku went missing."

Suigetsu stared, trying to absorb all this information.

"My sister Sapphire is a disciple of Kirti, the goddess of healing as Zackary is. Sapphire currently is at home, doing…nothing…long story, while Zackary is studying on another Earth with a famous doctor. My younger sister Cali is a disciple of Rudo, the goddess of love and compassion. She's been trying to get this guy and this girl together for years." She laughed. "But I, as the representative of Manauia, am sworn to protect those I deem worthy of his good grace."

"And Zabuza was one of those worthy few?"

"Yes he was," Griffin replied with just a hint of curtness, "As are several in the Leaf Village and others I have met on my travels. That is why I attacked you, because of your defilement of his grave. In Karma, grave robbing is non-existent. We agree as one that if you want to steal something, steal it at least from a living person who can defend their property, not from the dead who can do nothing but watch."

"That's a funny way of looking at things," Suigetsu countered, "In this world; we believe that if you do evil, you shall be punished in the next life by the higher powers, provided you believe in them."

Griffin nodded.

"Cali has told me that Zackary describes his Earth in much of the same ways. Conflicting religions and such. But in Karma, the gods have long since made themselves known to us through both miracles and direct contact; I myself have spoken to Manauia face to face. And since the gods in Karma are so inclined to grace us with their presence constantly, they have taught us to rely upon ourselves in the mortal realm, and not to leave the punishment up to them. They have taught us that only good can come out of being able to stand upon our own feet and prove the tenacity and ingenuity of mortals through action. Cali has told me of a boy in her world who says often: You've got two working legs, so use them. Or something to that degree at least. That is why I attacked you, for showing such cowardice as to steal from not just a dead man, but a dead man who cared for someone he loved, his 'precious person' if you will."

They continued to sit in silence for a while before Suigetsu got up and began moving forward. Griffin followed soon after.

* * *

Because that's probably how you'll remember it. As the one where Griffin gives a big long speech about morals n' such.


	70. Worst Pickup LineUp Yours Baby

**Worst Pickup Line/Up Yours Baby**

"Oh, look who it is, the human disposal unit." I laughed as Zetsu entered the room.

"We're roasting marshmallows!" Tobi said happily.

Indeed we were. I was had been asked to watch the meat that hung on the spit over the fire and who should show up with some marshmallows by my favorite, special, ninja. He was like the dog who wouldn't quit following you around no matter how many times you told him "Yeah you're cute and all but my landlord says no dogs allowed."

"Holy fuck, it actually smells edible in here…" Hidan said as he entered.

"Are you saying you think I can't cook?!" I snapped.

"Not to the woman who's brandishing a sharp object." He snickered.

I huffed and continued roasting.

"It's meat, you stick it in the fire until it stops bleeding…and there was wild dill growing outside so that's what you get for flavoring."

Google dill and then go out and find it. You will, I swear, unless you live in the smack dab middle of a city.

I tensed as the high priest with a bad case of guttermouth sat down a little too close for comfort.

"If you even _try_ to cop a feel I _will_ break your jaw in two." I snarled.

"I'm immortal, that won't do anything." He sneered.

"No, but it'll distract you long enough so I can roundhouse kick you in the balls and then run to tell Pein." I replied venomously.

Tobi and Zetzu snickered. Hidan looked stunned. It doesn't matter what your fighting style is, or how many jutsus you've mastered. If you're a guy, I'm going for a crotch shot.

* * *

_*me grilling meat by fire*  
*Tobi walks in with marshmallows*  
Tobi: Marsmallows?  
Me:...Hell yes!_

In other news, I've added the theme songs to this piece in chapter 1. I hope you enjoy and listen. They can both be found on iTunes.

Also, I've changed some things concerning chapter 65 I believe. The one right before I heal Hidan. I screwed up in the uploading.


	71. Ego ProblemHook Line and Sinker

**Ego Problem/Hook Line and Sinker**

(3rd Person P.O.V.)

"You know what your problem is? Your ego."

"Oh like you're so humble aquaman."

"We're too close."

"All of you shut up!"

"You shut up."

"Everyone SHUT UP!"

Several birds flew away with a squawk at this out burst from Jugo.

"You done?" Griffin asked.

Jugo just glared at her. Suigetsu sighed.

"Okay, let's go over this again." He said, "We'll take turns trying to get close enough to scout the area but in the event that we come across Kelly, we are to try an immediate reconnaissance. Griffin is to stay here and relay any information we gather back to lord Orochimaru. Clear?"

"Clear."

"Clear."

"Crystal."

"Good. I'll go first."


	72. The Owner Is Busy At the MomentSurround

**The Owner Is Busy At the Moment/Surrounded By Idiots**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I was resting against the wall when a puddle slithered next to me. You heard me, a puddle.

"Alex Max is that you?" I asked.

"My name is Suigetsu," the puddle whispered, "I'm here to rescue you on behalf of lord Orochimaru."

"You're a fucking puddle. Please don't tell me my boyfriend sent me a rescue puddle."

"I'm not actually a puddle! I can turn my body into-OW!"

I had punched the puddle.

"No I think you're a puddle and frankly," I began playfully slapping it, "I don't see how a puddle can help me."

I sent the bruised puddle on its way waited for Orochimaru.

The next person I met while I was getting some fresh air.

"Psst, I'm here to rescue you."

I looked over, red hair, glasses, slightly frumpy look…

"Velma?"

"Karin."

"Karin?"

She nodded, I nodded.

"HEY ITACHI! THERE'S A RABID FANGIRL HERE AND SHE WANTS TO HUMP YOUR BROTHER!!!"

_i "I've never seen one ninja-poof so fast."_/i Baldwin snickered.

The next person I met back in the cave. He was big and tall.

"Let me guess. You're here to rescue me, am I right?"

He nodded. I was really getting tired of this. I know it may seem like I'm being selfish and all, but I really only trusted Orochimaru to be skilled enough to actually get me out of here alive. This is my life we're talking about, I'm not about to trust it to some puddle/crazy/hulkish lackey! So, with that settled:

"HEY HIDAN! THERE'S AN INTRUDER!!!"

(Third Person P.O.V.)

"She hit me!"

"She insulted me!"

"She wouldn't even let me get close!"

Orochimaru sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Fine then. I suppose I should have taken her seriously when she said I was the only Sound ninja she liked. I'll go. All of you will follow and wait in the tree line until I give the signal."


	73. Please Don’t Abandon MePower of Hope

**Please Don't Abandon Me/Power of Hope **

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

It was Itachi's turn to watch me again. I was attempting to initate a staring contest, despite the risks, when I noticed his black fingernails.

"Y'know," I said, "Black fingernails are really creepy. This one time, I was on the subway, and there was this guy with black nails like yours and he sat across from me and he really creeped me out. I mean, he was probably harmless but he just really creeped me out, sitting there with his black fingernails, eating his egg salad…" I gave a fake shudder.

Itachi…well he did not look amused. I was beginning to think that the Akatsuki weren't going to let me hang around much longer. And I had a feeling that when they had had enough, they weren't exactly going to let me go.

Finally fed up with me, Itachi got up and exchanged places with Hidan.

"Hey."

"Hey."

We had gotten to be on pretty good terms with each other.

"So," I said, "I totally just remembered something you can say to Kakuzu when he's being a real money whore."

"Really? What?"

"It's all about the Benjamins isn't it? Trust me, it'll be funny."

I was about to explain the USA system of money when I felt something touch my back. I reached down and felt something flicker at my fingers. At that moment, I spotted Kakuzu walking past.

"There he goes, go and try it out." I said.

While he ran off to annoy his partner, I picked up the creature that had been trying to get my attention. It was two-headed cornsnake. I recognized it instantly, my favorite summon of Orochimaru's, Hebi.

"Hebi," I whispered, "what are you doing here?"

_"Lord Orochimaru is nearby, he will attempt the ressscue sssoon. Are you alright? He isss very worried."_ The summon whispered.

"I'm fine Hebi, go and tell him that I'm safe and sound and can't wait to see him again."

I kissed the little snake on each of his noses and sent him off. At that moment, a black-eyed Hidan returned and saw me smiling.

"What the fuck are you smiling about?" he asked.

"I…uh…just thinking about people falling down the escalator?"


	74. A Hero EmergesRescue Me

**A Hero Emerges/ Rescue Me**

(3rd Person)

"Ooh, sexy!"

Orochimaru stopped in the middle of adjusting his sound headband and looked up. It was Griffin.

"That's the uniform you wore to the Chunin exams yeah? Master always thought that was the sexiest outfit ever."

He smiled. And so did Griffin.

"Karin has agreed to stay behind and heal whoever returns. Inform the others, it's time to move."

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I was relaxing, but not sleeping. It was daybreak and I hadn't slept all night. At first, I had thought that he would try the rescue at night but then I remembered that at night the guard activity was at its peak. In the twilight and daybreak hours there was less activity as people either ate dinner or finally slept. So, now that Itachi was asleep on the job, although I couldn't help but think he'd wake up at the slightest breath of wind, I was waiting for-

"Kelly."

I turned, and my whole being lit up. It was Orochimaru, and he was in that adorable outfit he wore to the Chunin exams. I had to will myself not to drool. He beckoned me to follow and I silently slipped out of the cave.

"Why were you being so difficult? I sent several scouts ahead of me and you abused all of them."

"Because," I countered, "your recon team consisted of Alex Max, Velma and the Incredible Hulk. Plus, I like my knights in shining, Anbu-issue Kevlar armor."

I was about to lean up and kiss him when a shiruken whizzed right between the inch of space separating us. Orochimaru whipped out a kunai and a few of his own shiruken and spun around to face our attacker. It was Itachi.

"Hello, Orochimaru." He said calmly, a small smirk flitting across his face.

"Brat." Orochimaru growled.

Itachi smirked for real and threw another shiruken in our direction, knowing full well that it would be parried.

"Now, now Orochimaru, you don't see me calling you names."

Now it was Orochimaru's turn to smirk.  
"That's because you know you've earned yours."

He raised his hand in the air and from out of the trees burst all the best ninja in Sound and:

"MASTER!!!"

"GRIFFIN!"

The yellow ball of fur and feathers waved to me.

Itachi smirked some more and snapped his fingers. From out of the cave came the rest of the Akatsuki.

"DUN-DAT-DA-DA-DAT-DA-DA-DAT-DA-DA-DAAA! CHAAAAARRRRRGE!!!!" Griffin shouted.

The crash of clashing ninja's was tremendous.


	75. Attack and Receive

**Attack and Receive**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

Do you know the story of Helen of Troy? The face that launched a thousand ships? That was like, the one cool part of Troy the movie. And the only cool part in Ulysses was where they were dragging that dude's body around the castle. Classics first!

So right about now I was feeling just like that girl, two sides fighting for my possession and like Helen, I was betting on the one with the cute guy.

Orochimaru had ordered me to stay out of the battle. From the tone in his voice, sternness mixed with a bit of fear, I had no choice but to obey. I took refuge on a small knoll from where I could see the battle.

I could see Orochimaru squaring off with Itachi, his main battle summons in place of Manda: Hissori, Tsuba and Shikon were out. I knew why he hadn't simply summoned Manda. That took a lot of chakra and he knew that if Pein was lurking about, he'd need to conserve his energy and make do with these three. Or two, since Tsuba, the spitting cobra, had been sent to rendezvous with Griffin who was currently flying with him on her back, tailing Deidra on a clay owl. Suigetsu was, naturally, locked in a heated battle with Kisame right next to Jugo and Zetsu. Konan and Tayuya were going at it, with paper all about as Hidan and Sakon/Ukon battled it out. Kakuzu and Kidomaru were really at it right next to Jirobo and Sasori. Pein and, for that matter, Tobi, were nowhere to be found.

I watched with baited breath as Shikon, the venomous sea adder, attempted to get close to Itachi to look into his eyes. Shikon, aside from venom to rival Sasori's concoctions, could also entrance his opponents. It wasn't quite as powerful as Itachi's Tsukuyomi and was really only useful for hunting animals, but we were desperate. I watched as Shikon kept the Uchia brat's attention while Orochimaru guided Hissori, a slow but obedient anaconda, behind Itachi in hopes of binding him. But Itachi was too quick; he whipped around, kicking dust in Shikon's eyes, and flung a flame of glory at Hissori, scorching his nose. The enormous anaconda hissed in displeasure and backed away slightly, but not before another snake burst from the ground and bit Itachi. It was Chika, a summon Orochimaru used for spying mostly because of her ability to burrow underground. She was poisonous, but it was no more than a numbing sensation. At least he was down to one foot for now.

It was at that moment that I heard an explosion in the distance. I couldn't resist looking over as Itachi fought against the now recovered Hissori.


	76. I Got Your BackI Will Protect You

**I Got Your Back/I Will Protect You**

(The magical 3rd person)

"Breaker, breaker this is Esses Gee; we have a manlady on an owl, I repeat a manlady on an owl please advise." Griffin called as she tailed Deidara on one of his creations.

"Are you talking to me?!" Suigetsu shouted from below as he parried a blow from Kisame's Samehada.

Seeing as the sword stealer was busy at the moment, Griffin turned her attention to the snake that was wrapped snugly around her neck.

"Tsuba! Do your thing!" She squawked.

Tsuba hissed happily as the Yellow Leaf went into a dive and skimmed across the top of the clay bird. He reared back and let fly a glob of corrosive venom. With hissing, bubbling, toiling and troubling the venom began to eat through the clay with disastrous results.

Deidara smirked and dismounted as the bird flew on before exploding tremendously.

Griffin back-flipped and held out Tsuba who was hissing with glee.

"Don't think I don't know how to use this thing!" She squawked. Then, she turned to the puddle she had purposely stepped on, "I got yer back sword stealer."

"Great to know…" the puddle bubbled as it watched Kisame stride towards it.

* * *

That's actual military code used in WWI, it stands for SG, which is how I abbreviate Shinobi Griffin (Griffin)'s name.


	77. Kick in the AssKick in the Head

**Kick in the Ass/Kick in the Head**

(Again, the 3rd person)

Several tendrils of dark energy, commanded by Tayuya's demon flute, effortlessly shredded the paper weapons being deployed by Konan.

"Quit making confetti and kill her already!" Sakon shouted as he dodged a blow from Hidan's scythe.

Although the weapon wasn't a combat weapon, Hidan was trying to get some blood spilt to he could get a ritual going. And in battle, his rituals were deadly.

But before he was able to draw blood, Sakon separated from Ukon and rushed the hole in the priest's defenses; effectively merging with his body. Ukon was then able to make a quick dash to join his brother in the now paralyzed priest. But Hidan only smirked.

"Shit guys, you make this too fucking easy."

He whipped out his pike and jammed it into his heart, twisting it with a satisfying squelch. He managed a glance at his partner Kakuzu, who was snapping Kidomaru's arrows right out of the air before using his threads to catch one and flick it back at him.

Before spider man could react, an arrow impaled itself in his neck. Kakuzu went over to inspect his kill.

"You gonna keep his freakin' heart or what?!" Hidan yelled as the bodies of the twins staggered out of his body and fell dead.

"The snake marked him with that curse of his. Like I want that hanging around me." The banker said, nudging the corpse with his foot.

Hidan shrugged.

"Whatever. Hey Zetzu! You need help or what?!" He called out.

* * *

Someone had to die, and it's not like they have a fanbase, or a rabid one at least.


	78. NonStop Fighting Won't Back Down

**Nonstop Fighting/Won't Back Down**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

I watched as Itachi and Orochimaru squared off. It was down to bare bones taijutsu now in an effort to conserve precious chakra. The snakes, except Tsuba, had been called off and I watched on the edge of my seat as my boyfriend barely dodged the Shadow Shiruken technique. Two uses of Amateratsu had left him nearly drained and the earth scorched grey. But there was hope yet as I caught a glimpse of the gleam in Orochimaru's golden eyes; he was, at least, getting some sort of rise out of pummeling Itachi into the dust. That is, until a voice boomed out over the battlefield.

"Enough, Itachi."

Everyone looked up as Pein appeared between the snake and its weasel pray.

"Let us settle this." He said.

Now I was terrified. Orochimaru had barely enough strength to finish off the weakened Itachi, let alone the fully rested Pein. It would be the world's most one sided fist fight.


	79. Urge To Kill RisingI Like To Murder Peo

**Urge to Kill Rising/I Like to Murder People While Singing Show Tunes**

(3rd person)

"Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those kids were fast as lightning! In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they fought with expert timing! HIYA!" Griffin sang as she landed an uppercut into the latest exploding sculpture. "Or, if you like: Goodness, gracious great balls of FIRE!" She chucked a fire ball in Deidara's direction.

"How about a little help?!" Suigetsu shouted as he was slowly being crushed from the force of being sword locked with Kisame.

"Hmm…I don't know 'help'. But I do know: Save me save me save me! Don't let me face my life alone! Save me save me ooh...! I'm naked and I'm far from home!"

Suigetsu morphed into a puddle and tired to slip around behind Kisame.

"And that last line?!" He said as he reformed, fully clothed.

Griffin shrugged as Tsuba spat another glob of venom at Deidara.

"I dunno, just giving Freddy his recognition. Ooh! Here's another one: Burn baby burn, disco INFERNO!"

A wave of flames rippled throughout the immediate area, causing another half-formed creation to explode.

"We are all just dust, in the wiiiind!" Griffin sang as she called up a wind storm to blow away the bits of left over clay. "Do you know this one fish face? Splish, splash I was takin' a BATH!"

It suddenly began to rain fire. But for some reason, Suigetsu was spared the burning wrath.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head…" Griffin sang softly as she waited for the spell to finish.

"If you're so powerful, then finish them off now." Suigetsu growled as the Akatsuki tried to run for cover.

Griffin huffed and sheathed her kunai.

"Fine then Herr Agua. I'm burnin', I'm burnin', I'm burnin' for youuuu!"

With a roaring sound, the creature ignited herself in flames and began manipulating the wind to create a tornado. Suigetsu shielded his face as the surrounding area grew hotter and hotter. There was a sound like a canon firing and he assumed it was some of Deidara's clay exploding in the intense flames that were now ripping through the area. When the heat died down, he opened his eyes and saw that their assailants were gone, and that Griffin was pulling Tsuba out of her headband, which she wore like a skull cap as she sang softly.

"Another one bites the dust…"


	80. End of All Hope Seoul Choix

**End of All Hope/ Last Hope/Seul Choix**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

_"This looks bad Kelly."_

_"Tell me something I don't know B."_

I watched as Pein and Orochimaru squared off. I could see Chika poised to strike and Orochimaru struggling to maintain enough chakra to ready himself for an attack. I saw him mumble something and Chika nod but as she was about to strike I saw a look of horror appear on Orochimaru's face.

"What have you done to me?" He hissed.

"Me? I've done nothing." Pein replied.

I gasped as I realized what was happening. Orochimaru couldn't move a muscle. And neither could Chika for that matter, they were helpless.

"He's here, isn't he?" Orochimaru growled as Pein took out a large kunai and began to form some hand seals.

"Oh yes, he's always here." Pein replied.

It was then that I recognized those seals. Shinra Tensei. If he used that to propel the kunai, it would rip right through Orochimaru and not stop for miles. I couldn't take it.

"Ochi!!!" I shouted, dashing out of the woods.

"Do not enter the battle Kelly!!!" He shouted back.

I could see him clenching his muscles on instinct, trying to free himself but to no avail.

"You would be wise to heed your lover's advice, Kelly." Pein said with a smirk.

"Leave her out of this." Orochimaru growled.

"Hmph, and what's to stop me once you're dead hmm?"

Orochimaru growled.

"You know by now that she is not a Jinchuriki, so why would you keep her here after I'm gone?"

"She can still be useful. Commanding that yellow animal for one thing, and she can still be of…other uses."

Orochimaru snarled and managed to move about an inch towards Pein, his eyes were seething with hate.

"I'll rip you limb from limb you bastard!!!"

Pein only chuckled as the kunai began to levitate.

"No, you won't."

He was about to make the final hand seal when I shot down the slope.

"NO!!!!" I shouted.

Then, it got very warm.


	81. Phoenix RisingIt’s A Strange and Frigh

**Phoenix Rising/It's A Strange and Frightening Thing to See Yourself at Your Worst**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

The air seemed to be on fire and I could hear the roaring of flames.

_"KELLY! Kelly, look!",_I heard Baldwin shout.

I opened my eyes and nearly fell backwards. Flying towards Pein and Orochimaru was a phoenix. I was sure it was, it couldn't be anything else because…it looked exactly like the phoenix in Osamu Tezuka's work. She was beautiful, gold with a long neck and a red crest. Black markings accented her beautiful blue eyes and her tail was long and flowing. Her whole body seemed to shimmer with rainbows.

The phoenix landed in between Pein and Orochimaru, she stood twice as tall as them and had an air of ageless knowledge. I saw her lean down and look Pein in the eyes just as Orochimaru finally found himself freed. He ran up the slope to me and we embraced.

"Come on." He said, picking me up bridal-style and dashing into the woods.

I stole one last glace back at the battlefield to see Pein go ghost white as he stared into the orbs of the phoenix. Then, I turned to my lover, and kissed him.


	82. Break AwayLive to Tell

**Break Away/Live to Tell**

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

We stopped about halfway into the woods. Orochimaru set me down and leaned against a nearby tree, panting.

"You okay honey?" I asked, sitting down beside him.

He gave a breathless chuckle.

"I will be. I'm just a little 'weak on my feet' at the moment."

I took one of his hands in mine and gasped.

"You're freezing!" I exclaimed.

"A side effect of using too much chakra." He explained.

I smiled and snuggled next to him, wrapping my arms around his chest.

"Here, I'll lend you some of my heat." I whispered.

He chuckled again and wrapped his own arms around me, pulling me closer as we rested together.


	83. White FlagVictory

**White Flag/Victory**

(3rd person)

"Weeee arrrrre the chaaaaaampions! Weeeeeeee arrrrre the chaaaaaaaampions! Nooooo time for loooosers 'cause weeee are the chaaaaampions! Of the wooooorrrrllllldddddd!!!" Griffin sang as she flew through the air before landing next to Suigetsu.

For a while they sat there in silence, surveying the scorched landscape before them, the remnants of their battleground. At long last, Suigetsu broke the ice.

"Listen, I've been thinking of…taking a trip to see an…old friend. I borrowed something of his and wanted to return it." He reached behind the tree and pulled out Zabuza's sword. "I was wondering if you wanted to come along. Seeing as you 'reminded' me in the first place."

Griffin was speechless, then, she flung herself on the swordsman, tackling him to the ground. (which was a long way down)

"You totally redeemed yourself!" She squawked.


	84. Write Your Own Ending

Good things come to those who wait. Here is a lemon for all.

* * *

**Write Your Own Ending**

(3 months later...)

(Kelly's P.O.V.)

"You should have listened to me."

"Ugh, not this again."

"I told you to bring a rain coat."

"The forecast-"

"The forecast was wrong, as we can see by how you are oh-so-sexily splayed out before me, trying to sweat out your fever."

And indeed, he was. Orochimaru, love of my life, was half-way heaped under the mountain of blankets I had insisted on covering him with. It wasn't a bad cold, by any means, except for the stubborn fever; 101 degrees as opposed to the normal 98.6. Well, at least I could have some alone time with my lover. But he wouldn't settle down, he was complaining that he was too hot to sleep.

"It's so dull, just lying here waiting for the fever to break." he sighed.

"So suddenly you find my company a bore? Is that it?" I quipped playfully.

He chuckled and fingered one of the buttons on my shirt.

"No, no, my dear, nothing like that. I just know that, deep down inside, you'd rather be doing…other things…" he wriggled about playfully.

I knew what he meant by this.

"You're not suggesting…"

"I am," he smirked mischievously, "I know you get turned on by the very mention of the word fever."

He cupped his hand over the back of my head, pulling me into a kiss.

"Really sweetie, we shouldn't…"

He kissed me again, more insistently this time. And as he pulled away, I caught a glimpse of a spark of passion in his golden eyes; and almost hungry passion.

"Don't deny it," he whispered, and I loved it when he whispered like that, "I know you want this as much as I do."

He kissed me again, his tongue demanding entry into my mouth. I let go before he could gain access, my breathing a little erratic.

"Oh god, you're right, I really do."

I crashed my mouth onto his, our tongues intertwined. He was breathing hard as he ran his hand down my back, fingering one of the belt loops on my pants. I snickered a bit and sat up, slowly undoing my shirt and then my pants in a strip-tease sort of fashion. I could hear and feel him purring underneath me, I liked to be on top, as I began to undo my shorts. That done, he pulled me close, his tongue wanting to explore every inch of my body. I planted a kiss on his lips as I began to undo his nightshirt. I continued to kiss him all down his neck and his cheek and then, I went in for the kill. I had found it out quite by accident when we were fooling around, but I never let him forget it. Carefully, gently, I gave his ear a little nip. I felt him buck with pleasure underneath me, his back arching as the energy flooded his veins. He gave a low moan of bliss and squirmed up against me, aching to be rid of his clothes.

"Good gods in…heaven, I hope…this isn't another repeat of…what happened at the…Christmas party…" he said in between gasps.

I laughed, my hands running up inside his shirt, taking in the wonderful, velvety feel of his skin. It was tough, getting him to be comfortable enough to let me be all over him, but it was worth every second my hands wandered across his body without the muscles tensing underneath. It was all careful, patient work, but at last he had gotten to the point where he trusted me enough to let his guard down when we were in bed.

"But sweetie, you'd have to be wearing the tie."

We had lots of fun with that tie. I slowly, almost teasingly slipped the shirt from his shoulders, my hands ghosting down to his stomach where I knew he was the most sensitive. But as I did so, I couldn't help but notice the amount of scars that covered his body. He noticed my pause.

"They…they don't…bother you I hope?" he said almost sheepishly.

I smiled sweetly and kissed him.

"We've slept together enough; I thought you'd know by now that they happen to be a turn on. I just wish my pleasure didn't have to be wrought from your pain."

"I barely remember half of them." he replied, almost breathlessly.

Our lips met again, and once more his tongue demanded entrance into my mouth. But this was something he'd have to work for.

I stroked my hands down his stomach, feeling him squirm and moan beneath me. He was almost whimpering now as I began to loosen his pants. One arm slithered up my back, gently unhooking my bra and running smoothly across my underpants, slowly teasing them off.

"Doctors orders." He stated as he kissed me again.

I let him in this time, my hands stroking and rubbing every part of his body. His hands were at my back, and they clawed up every time I hit a sweet spot. He was careful though, careful to never break the skin. I pressed my ear against his chest, listening to his heart beat faster as our hips locked. Our hands continued their exploration, always finding some new spot to stroke or rub eliciting a moan from the other. It was his stomach that I spent most of my attention on, lightly ghosting my fingers down to where our bodies connected. I heard him gasp and hiss, muttering 'oh god' as his body hitched. Our hips rocked together, in a fluid, steady motion as we continued to kiss each other all over.

When it was over we collapsed in the now sweat-soaked sheets. He was panting hard, his arms still holding me close.

"Now look…you've worn yourself…out…" I breathed in his ear.

He chuckled and kissed me, long and passionately.

"Yes, but my fever broke." He said.

I felt his forehead and, wouldn't you know it, he was right.

* * *

I thank all of you, every singe one of you for watching, reading, favoring, alerting and reviewing this story. I do hope all of you will now turn your attention to:

The Living Blade Alchemist

and the new: SIMM: The Series

Where we finally find out what happened at the Christmas party!

-Your loving authoress, thegriffin88


	85. SIMM: The Series

Hey, hey, hey! This is a minor update to let y'all know that SIMM: The Series is finally off and running. So start tracking/reviewing it!

That is all. Griffin out.


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